have yourself a Merry Little Christmas.....

I am feeling the holiday stress today...
I have already baked or made 7 different items for the cookie baskets I throw together every year and I have at least 4 more to do...*sigh* i am maxed out on my time, almost to the minute, between work and my duties as a mom and wife, I have less than 9 days to finish

I have only made half of the items I want to have ready for my daughters and husband, and I am struggling with the necessary motivation it is going to take to get it all finished....

I have 3 more Christmas parties I have to prep for, and one of them is the in-laws hosted at our home (which is HUGE) My husband has never hosted A holiday gathering before, and I suggested this year was our turn..... only time will tell whether that was a good move or not......

I am working MANY hours and trying to fit everything in....

Why didnt I start some of this stuff earlier? Well mostly because I hadnt thought about how MUCH i had to do until now.....*ugh*

I havent even made out my Christmas cards....do people even still mail out Christmas cards? Have we lost that as a society as well? Oh heavens!

Dont get me wrong, I love getting ready for Christmas, I just hope my tired body can keep up! I hope I get it all done...i hope everyone is pleased with what I have put soooo much time into.

well it's time for me to get back to lesson planning ...
This was a nice little 6 minute break anyhow... Merry Christmas my friends
Until next time....

and these are the days of our lives.......

so I was talking with one of my co-workers today and I realized something important...I mean it's something that I have know all along, but for some reason today it just clicked.....

THE BEST (or worst) FORM OF ADVERTISING IS WORD OF MOUTH.......

I live in a small community...one where if you aren't sure what you've been up to, you could just ask your neighbor and they can tell you...local gossip is ALWAYS entertaining and mostly you can only believe about 40% of what you hear from the town "mouths" (if EVEN that much)..

SO WHAT? WHY AM I WRITING ABOUT IT?

Well it goes like this....

My husband and I own a few little businesses in our community, and while I wouldn't consider either of them lucrative, they do fine. I like to think it's because we have formed some loyal bonds with people in our community.....

Now I will tell you that one of our businesses is a child care facility...there is only one other one in town that offers all day group licensed child care. So we are doing fine....its not exactly cut throat (at least not from our perspective)

Now I have been in the pygmie business for quite a long time, and I KNOW who I want to hire and who I WOULDN'T hire....I want the BEST, and I believe we have a staff that is second to NONE... because we have recruited the BEST.

Now, that also means that someone has to be second best...right? So...it's human nature to go into attack mode when you think you aren't "winning" and that's what has happened in our little community.....the "competition" is in attack mode, and it seems we are the target( which makes sense since we are the only other group facility). But it's not only the owner attacking, nope, she has some of the parents within her facility also doing her bidding......

It's rather ridiculous really, and it got me thinking.....this one parent who is the biggest gossip, works at a local coffee shop.....and whenever a parent from our facility comes in, she immediately goes into full gossip mode and spins these stories she pulls straight from her rear! Now ordinarily it wouldnt ruffle my feathers at all..I would let it run it's course and say nothing in response....

But she's been out of control and slamming my staff...who are like family to me...and quite frankly my sicilian temper has flared...I wanted to go all soprano on her butt...however, my husband keeps telling me that whatever the situation i must react with class...... *sigh*

So I have decided that since i used to be a "regular" at the shop this one girl manages (the place she holds her gossip sessions) I am no longer going to be a patron there....I figure why support a local business when the employees slam other businesses? I also wrote a letter to the owner (who is an acquaintance of mine) explaining that i cannot come to his business any longer due to the issue with his manager. I also will no longer refer any of my friends to this establishment either.....I will not support this woman's paycheck.....its THAT simple....I won't say anything malicious about her or the business she works for, I just won't refer anyone there...when people ask me which shop is the best I will tell them that the Mocha place is great (and I will say it with GUSTO)

I understand that this may not even make ANY difference to the girl or her boss, and I can tell you that I am fine with that...But at least it makes me feel better...I don't have to look at her and I certainly wont have to refrain from devising ways to dispose of a body....(a bit drastic?) LOL

So there you have it...my minor vent on a snip-it of drama that happens in a day in the life....

that's all I have, Until next time....

Much to be thankful for

What am I thankful for:

My husband- I miss him when he is gone, even if it's just for work that day- I will admit that he drives me crazy most days being his man self...but I TRULY love him

My Daughters- they are 2 of the most beautiful girls God could have blessed me with...they are so behaved and endearing, both different from the other, but so AWESOME together

My co-workers- some people have co-workers that they cannot stand, I would have to say that i am blessed NOT to have that. Each one of the ladies is what I would consider a friend..there are days when i drive them nuts or vice versa, but hey take the good with the bad... :)

My family (both blood and in-law) I LOVE spending time with people who enrich my soul, and I have to admit my in-laws are pretty fricken amazing!

My pygmie tribe-- man there are days when I feel like they are kicking my butt and I couldn't possibly do it another day...and then one of them looks into my eyes with snot running down there nose and says, I WUV YOU...how can you not just melt? (and then get a tissue)

Wine-- come on you didnt see that coming? I LOVE wine!

Coffee-- again, really? It's the best thing since sliced bread...

this list isnt all of the little thing I enjoy, just the big ones...if I told you EVERYTHING i am thankful for I would be here for awhile :o) and I havent that much time, since I am off to have a date with my in-laws, my hubby, and my precious daughters......

there is MUCH to be thankful for my friends...until next time...

Hooked on a feeling.....

You know the feeling you have when you first start dating someone?

The one where EVERYTHING the person says makes you smile, where you anticipate EVERY time you get a chance to see that person, or how you feel when you kiss them for the first time?

all of us have felt it, and it seems (from my own past experiences) that after the "honeymoon" phase, that we lose that. Somewhere we take the stuff the other person says for granted, and we don't put much thought into seeing each other, because we just do it all of the time, and kissing? well, its not the electricity we had with the first one...

I must admit that when I met my Best Friend I thought we also would fall into that rut...

Only we havent.....

I love him with everything I have, and since we have been married I can see that we are different from society's "take you for granted I am over the honeymoon phase typical couple"

No, it's not because we haven't been married long...because we dated for 2 years before we even considered marriage.....

It's strange...I mean I wouldn't say that EVERYTHING that he says makes me smile...in fact most often he makes me crazy! But the man can make me laugh...and sometimes it's at my own ridiculousness.....and while I may not tell him or even show him how much I miss him throughout the day, i really do.....

it's so weird, I would consider it a mini break whenever my ex husband left, in fact I would ENCOURAGE him the leave for weeks at a time.....and while I know I shouldn't be comparing him to my husband now, I just can't help but think about things like that.....

I love being in his presence...I miss him during the work day, and when he is gone for any amount of time, I miss him greatly.

As for the electrical kiss? I will admit that there are times when the jumper cables could be used, but most often my husband still makes me feel that spark that we have had since day one.

I am a blessed girl that's for sure......

My best friend (my husband) is so great to me, and we are great together.....I love all of his smallest details, and he loves me when I am being me.....

I was just thinking about the things I am thankful for and he is most certainly at the top of my list.....

If i had to put a label on it and sound cliche' I would say that we are destined souls......

yeah yeah, I know what you're thinking..... just give it a few years and they will be just like every other married couple...

well I am thinking you would be completely wrong.....

but since we all are in a society of "show me or prove it to me" I guess we will have to wait and see..... (so i can stand tall and say, I told you so,)

That's all I have for now... until next time...

Some days I just want to slap you......

Why does it seem like the nicer, more genuine I try to be, the more of a complete idiot you become?

THIS doesnt seem to make ANY sense! ( well I guess it kinda does...)

I am putting forth a GENUINE effort, this is NO FRONT, I am trying to be an adult, but I am about at the end of my wits with this whole matter!

I am trying to do something collaboratively and the ONLY way to do that is to honestly and truly be genuinely nice (this probably has too many big words in it so you can't even comprehend any of it)

UGH!

I want to throw the towel in and just never be nice to you again...but unfortunately for me, that's just not an option.....

I just want to smack you BOTH in the face and walk away...but again, I can't (although it does have a nice ring to it...but I would only be satisfied for 2 seconds). I think my life would be so much easier if I could just despise you....but I can't, and it's kinda becoming a pain in my hiney!

So what to do, what to do....

I guess I will do NOTHING, I will continue to be nice and honor God, and leave it up to Him to fix you're ridiculousness.........

You know what, the more I ponder the whole thing ...the more I realize you two are PERFECT for each other...... it's like the blind leading the blind......

Also...I realize that you are handicapped by a natural immaturity, and I forgive you.....

I am going now, until next time...

2 minutes in my brain = crazy randomness....

randomness that goes on in my head throughout the day...

why is it when i go through the carwash, it rains that same day? UGH

Who on earth has a wedding dress just stashed away for the 48 hour notice of possibly getting married after knowing each other for like 12 seconds?( must have been from the LAST time you were engaged--less than 4 months ago) just sayin

where does the white go when the snow melts? anyone?

Bueller...Bueller...Bueller...?

why do you seem to have to always try and one-up me? am i REALLY that special?

Why did the vacuum have to die on the day I REALLY needed it?

How come some 3 year olds are so sassy?

how insecure do you have to be about your relationship to act like a moron in front of your ex?

Do you think it's normal to have hip pain at the age of 31?

How can a husband's hug seem to solve everything wrong with the day's events?

Why does it seem like you're trying to prove something?

Why do I have the urge to vomit when I hear your name? (ok that was a bit mean, but true)

Where am I going to place my Christmas tree this year?

How can i show my staff how much I appreciate them?

How many hockey games does my oldest daughter have this weekend?

Why is it that people almost always forget that there are TWO sides to EVERY story....?

Why are some people big jerks?

I can't forget to make that RAK list tonight.....

Why am I sleepy at 3 in the afternoon, darn near every day?

How many cookie baskets do I have to put together this year? ( i have a feeling it's ALOT!)

Who doesn't wear deodorant? Isn't it more of a common courtesy for others?

Ugh, Too many thoughts going on at once (this just happened to be a 2 minute glimpse)

So next time you see me and ask, how's it going......just be forewarned :o)

That's it for now, until next time...stay thirsty my friends...haha!

Let's chalk another one up ......

If I were keeping any kind of score, I would have another hash mark.....

I can't help but chuckle just a little bit to myself.....

Everything happens for a reason, and I saw it coming......

I relish when I am right...and this time, I was, again....

*giggles*

Is it ok for me to laugh at someone else's unfortunate series of events?

No! In fact it's bordering slightly cruel, but I just cant help it.....I apologize

(still I am chuckling)

I am going to sit back and enjoy this feeling for a few moments......

*stretch, smile, inner giggle, and gaze off into the distance*

Feels great to be right......again :o)

Have a great day my friends

until next time...............

what's behind me.....is still there

I was reading this really hilarious book lastnight (when I was unable to sleep)--- pause here for a moment-- I couldn't sleep...and we even got an EXTRA hour to sleep (where from I am not entirely sure, but that's a different story) could I take advantage of this additional moment of sleep...of course not...*sigh* story of my life! I drag myself out of bed at my alarm on the days I work, and on weekends...BING my eyes betray me and I can't sleep a minute later than my alarm would normally go off...ugh!

But I digress....

I was reading lastnight..yes, that's where I left off.... and this book was called "the only good thing about my butt is that it's behind me"

Now me having a hmm.....butt that is desired by most black women, but not sought out for for by any other white woman (not racist just stating a fact, I am a little white girl with a beautiful black woman's hiney) I naturally was intrigued by this title, and read some...

I laughed so hard at parts that I actually cried!

An interesting point....why can't we just strive to be the best average lady God intended us to be? Why must we fall into the media frenzy, cosmetic world's ideal Barbie? Where is the individuality in that anyway? We women are so busy multitasking and trying to look like someone we aren't , that we can't focus on being GREAT at one thing, instead we are mediocre at several things...have you noticed this?

Before the fashion industry was telling us that wider hips were not attractive, or butts were meant to be little, and thighs, oh my gawd thighs were meant to be taught and wonderful, and boobs, well THAT'S a whole other realm of the fashion industry....before ALL of that, women found something they excelled at, and did it...to perfection. We didnt need to gain approval from other women on how we looked because THAT wasn't the focus. Men loved us for who we were...

Now we are so busy trying to be the best hockey mom, best looking wife, best career gal, best PTA member, etc, that we have lost the perfection of just being US.....

Let's face it, we don't dress for any of the men in our lives, we don't (and if you think for a moment that you do, you're mistaken) We dress for the other women in our lives...we have to look better in the outfit, or have to have the best makeup or whatever....Men truly don't care about those things...they just don't. Sure they like the enhancement it brings their woman (and the fact that they just want us to be happy, we're easier to live with that way) but to them, it's not needed. Makeup and great hair or bed head with no make-up...doesn't change who you are...

Instead of striving to look the BEST, why not just try to look like the best YOU? Why put all that effort into trying to impress other women? It's maddening and exhausting.....we deserve happiness, right? And frankly I know that I am not happy if I think for a moment that the other woman who scored the same outfit I worked hard to get into, looks better than me... when in fact, it TRULY doesn't matter, not even a little.

In the big scheme of things, nobody remembers what you wore last year to the Christmas party, and nope, I can't recall what color your eye shadow was yesterday...unless there are pictures nobody can remember. Honestly, Why do we bother with so many unnecessary details? Don't get me wrong God is in the details, but I think most of ours are shallow and selfish, and I can't find anywhere in the Bible where it says we should be either of those things..... God made you who you are....just go with it.... be an individual, don't be the plastic replica of Barbie......God didn't design Barbie, he designed you....wonderfully knit you in your mother's womb...True story.....

And here's just a little side note, my extra "fluff" as I like to call it, gives me a little bit more insulation in the cold winters....so when you're freezing your hiney off, I won't be, cause mine is big and beautiful....and warm :)

Also it doesn't hurt that my handsome husband loves my additional fluff...that's always a bonus.

That's all of my crazy ramblings for now.....

Until next time

a little of this, a little of that, and a little planning...

Today is a nice day...I have been waiting for a day like this for a few weeks...and I am sure I will not see another day like this until late spring.....

I have ABSOLUTELY no agenda today... with the slight exception of a short hockey practice later this afternoon, but no big deal really.

I woke up early to take the wonder puppy out for a ride (it's been our tradition for awhile now) and then I came home to prepare a nice hot yummy breakfast for my family...deluxe hashbrowns, scrambled eggs/ham, and of course bacon (this is a necessity with ANY breakfast at our home)

After breakfast cleanup I am going to bake my socks off! I have alot of baking experiements I wanna try today, and a willing family that can taste them.... besides I am trying to perfect a recipe for a certain niece of mine, one who's away at college.....

I must bake something special for my father-in-law, since he's always looking for the treats I conjure in my kitchen. Plus I like him :o)

I had a minor surgery yesterday and I thought I would be laid up for the weekend, but it turns out I have been fine :o) BONUS!

I have nothing to make complaints about today, I mean it IS only 9 am, so there's potential, but for the moment I am content!

I Have caught up on ALL of the laundry and even managed to get my floors cleaned--ANOTHER BONUS! I am feeling especially domestic today. I like it

Now that I am ahead on my housework (and by ahead I mean not terribly behind) I am developing a plan for my Christmas cookie baskets that i give at Christmas time...

For me it's too expensive to give lavish gifts that may or may not be used, so I give something that I know everyone can enjoy...sweets! Then I toss a few other handmade items in, like handmade dishclothes, handmade candles, picture frames, etc. This year I have been scouting out those little wooden signs that sell in every store..you know the ones with the great little sayings on them? Well instead of paying something ridiculous like $10-25 each for one of those, I simply whip out my phone snap a picture and come home with the picture......then I saunter over to my most awesome Father-In-Law's house and grab some scrap wood (which he has an abundance of) and then I make my own replica for near to nothing...but it looks great and I MADE it, which as we all know, is way better than getting a commercialized item. Handmade items have a little more sentiment, I think. So that's what's going into the cookie baskets this year...handmade signs :o) i am really looking forward to it. Oh and I should, maybe try and figure out what ornaments I am going to make my girlies this year too....(just another tradition)

Well This General must go and plan, so I hope the rest of my friends have an amazing day!

Until next time......

just a typical day, no big deal

Today...

I will mingle with my church family

I will get lost in some amazing worship music...

I will listen to the message...

thats just the morning..

Coming home, i will reflect (oh boy!)

Crank my music for food for my soul

I will arrive home and be greeted by my family (minus one very important little girl, but that's a story for another blog)

I will make a quick lunch

I will bake something ( I have been seriously lacking in the stress release department)

I will do some laundry (yep I have also fallen behind in that too)

I will wish that my football team didn't have a bye week...( but that means I can accomplish the tasks that I fallen behind in....)

I will Lesson Plan for the pygmie tribe

I will more than likely go to work--on my own time

I will clean my home..

I will await the arrival of my husband (we started a new business today and he is purchasing the needed equipment at this very moment)

I will plan a dinner fit for my little family

I will drink some wine (later in the evening)

I will Kiss my husband, hug my wonderful daughter, and bask in their presence...

Then i will fall asleep later praying for my family and my friends..

it's a simple life i lead....(well it sounds that way anyhow)

Until next time....hang in there my friends and know this...i feel so blessed to have all of you in my life and I hope at some point I am able to enrich yours......

Kiss it.....haha!

have you ever stood up to someone who has had their fist of control over you for so long that you feel exhilarated afterwards?

No? well, then you haven't a clue as to what i am referring to, and thats ok......

I stood up, not only did I stand, but i fought back.....

I didnt cower and back down....i dug my heels in and stood my ground,

I decided that its not MY job to accommodate you....not anymore.... You have

found a different little puppet for that...

HAHA, You've got NOTHING now....

How does it feel? Having no control over someone? Oh, I guess thats not entirely true,

you do have control over someone, just not ME anymore and THAT is AUSOM! HAHA!

I am feeling like doing a small little victory dance....

oh yeah baby!

As for you, well in the words of Aaron Tippin...Kiss this!

Oh yeah, THAT felt great...

just another step forward friends...just another little nugget of the life I used to lead....gone! LOVE IT!!!

I think I am beginning to like this.... :)

A minor temper tantrum..No Big deal

something i just never spend the energy arguing about....

do i wish some things could be fine tuned...yes

am I going to bring it up? nope

Is it easier to just shrug my shoulders and walk away...yep

Am I totally pleased with it?

I would guess not

are you perceptive to it?

who knows....more than likely

Does it change anything?

nope

So why on earth would I waste my time arguing...I wouldn't

It's ok, really...ok, not really

but I will deal with it

Somedays I feel like throwing myself down on the ground

and kicking my legs and screaming

when? when will it be MY turn?

Then I rationalize with myself, and conclude...

Get over it...No big deal....whole package, i guess

But...I can't help but wonder....

For now I will just do what I can, and that is...

wait for it....yep, PRAY.

i will Pray about the situation and know that

just like EVERYTHING else in my life thus far...

God has this covered too....

I just have to keep reminding myself...that's all....

Thanks for the pep talk...vent session....I am a little better now....

Social Vultures...wish there was a hunting season

what is it with the "cliques" we have in this town?

Seriously?!

Get over yourself!

I am stunned by the amount of time and effort some people pour into self-image.....

I am exhausted by those of you who have to be busy bodies in everyone else's business.....MIND YOUR OWN!!! Frankly, and I am going to be VERY frank, you should take some time to look at yourself and your life with all of it's flaws before you start ripping on mine. You, are FAR from perfect and I am tired of sitting by the sidelines watching you tear apart what I would consider perfectly amazing people.

What?! Because so and so doesn't make x amount of money working, they aren't worth your time? Because she wasn't popular in high school, she is beneath you now? are you serious? We aren't even in high school anymore honey! We are supposed to be adults!

You people (and I am sure you don't even know who you are, due to the sad fact that you are so self-absorbed and pompous, that you're confident THIS doesn't even apply to you) can take your judgmental attitude and devour someone else...

I wonder if when you look in the mirror you see a "social vulture" staring back? No amount of make-up or hair color can hide what you truly are.......

For those of us who have fallen victim to the vultures in town.....

I say, find 2 or 3 really great people---truly amazing individuals who can have stimulating conversations (not ones filled with gossip) and REALLY get to know them! Find someone who can accept you as you are. Someone who knows all of your quirks and respects you because of them. Someone who isn't afraid to tell you the truth, someone you can be honest with and not offend. If you can accomplish this, then who cares what the rest of them think...you'll have yourself a small army :o)

I am done venting for now...... sorry...that's what I have, until next time

a small confession... of sorts

I will take...WHO AM I? for 500 Alex.......

I am having a thought...yes a thought, I know its hard for some of you to believe that a coherent thought would ever come out of me...but ah alas...'tis true....

I was reading a novel (because that's what I do...I love to read)and it was about this woman who was a tragic teenage pregnancy.....sad, but somewhat inspiring...I could relate..

So I have decided to write about me.... narcissistic? Nope, It's really for me...a sense of healing, remembering, passing time....all of it. So a warning, You probably, like most of my other blogs, have no interest in what follows..and that's ok with me.....really, truly, click your mouse and read onto another blog...totally cool :)

for those of you who have nothing better to do than read about my nonsensicalness, well, then...strap on your seat belt, because we are goin for a ride.....

We are going to start with my childhood...this may take a few blogs now that I think of it.....

My childhood wasn't all puppy dog kisses and wonderfulness, but looking back, my parents probably did the best they knew how........

I was an infant when my Father and Mother got a divorce, and it really depends on who you ask as to what the real story behind that was...reality..it no longer matters at least not to me.....it is what it is......

So it was just me and my Mother living in a duplex..... until I was 2 years old....then she met the man who would be "Dad", my step-dad ( who is still one of my favorites!)

My Mother had my sister shortly after (I am guessing 9 months later actually...) I tried to give my infant sister to the neighbor's when I was 2 and 1/2...I haven't lived THAT down....

We moved a few times when I was little---my house burnt down when I was 4 and with it...all of my toys... it was a very sad year for me. I had a sister i was forced to play with and now all of my toys were gone.....

We finally found a home that we lived in for 10 years...it was great!

I tormented my little sister as any big sister would...ok, I may have been overzealous with the torment...but at the time I felt like she deserved it.......

During the 10 years my Mother moved out at least 3 times that I can recall, always with me in tow, and always for about 6 months to 1 year and then we moved back in with my step-dad....I though that was totally normal, until I was about 13, and then I realized it was anything but normal.......

My sister and I were often times left to fend for ourselves at home while Mom and Dad worked....or did whatever it was they did.....(which was not always work) I learned how to make meals for my sister and I by the time I was 10....not like 5 course meals, but the basics...toast, mac and cheese, ramen noodles, cereal, eggs, pancakes, pot pies, etc

We didnt have a great deal of money, in fact I am sure that the gifts under the tree at Christmas time were from other people in our community who buy gifts for the less fortunate.....

Our home was simple and so was the life my sister and I were raised on....wild game for most of our meat consumption. We never got name brand clothing....in fact some years I was fortunate to get girl's clothing instead of the cheaper boys version.....

We didnt go on big family vacations, the big event every summer was the county fair, and that was paid for by babysitting or collecting cans......

When I was 9 years old I started to notice some things in my parent's life that was...unusual...

Both of my parents used drugs for recreation...again I thought every parent did.....until I was 13, when I realized my step-dad was going to serve time in prison for it.......

Now, my parents didnt walk around the house "recreating" in the open in front of us girls, in fact often times my sister didnt even know.... but I started to pick up on the signs and realized EVERY time my parents were..let's say having a small dose of pleasure.

In fact this "hypersensitivity" I had, to details, came from overhearing how the Feds were trying to set them up, and how they needed to be careful and make sure everything was just as it was when they had left the room......this has, unfortunately rubbed off on me as an adult...I can still tell when something has been moved...the little details I pay ALOT of attention to....

At 13, we moved in with family , since my mom had to try and support my sister and I on 1 income, since "dad" had been sentenced to 9 years......that didn't work out so well......

we lived on our own a few months after...always driving 4 hours to visit "dad" at the prison.....every weekend.....without fail. I enjoyed that actually, because I missed him terribly. Mom was overwhelmed with two teenage daughters and was "going through" a mid-life crisis...... so she wasn't always on top of her game....

She started dating someone else while "dad" was in the slammer...big surprise....not really. But yet we went every weekend up to see "dad" This new boy--yes boy--he was younger than I was for crying out loud!!!!!( yes, that's a sore subject with me, lets just not discuss it right now)---- he was NOT on my list of favorites.....

See I knew my step-dad messed up...I knew it BIG TIME, but he was the guy who taught me how to hunt, how to fish, how to clean a deer, how to cook, how to stack wood so it wouldn't fall, how to sew, how to play cribbage and rummy....he hugged me when I was crying and spanked me when I was naughty.... I knew he had flaws too, I got that, but I still loved him......I still considered him "dad" ....and here my mother was in a relationship with this...this ...kid!

And the horrible part, she didnt even have the decency to tell my "dad" nope, she led him on....right up until he got released 7 years later (early release for good behavior)...UGH!

So during the time when "dad" was away...I tried to do ANYTHING to get out of my house...and that included dating and then hanging out at my boyfriend's house, my mom didnt care much, she was involved in her own thing..........and that's when it happened...that's when I found out I was pregnant at age 17.........

Yep....*sigh*.....It was quite the eye opener....here I was stuck in a home life that I could barely deal with, since mom and I had moral differences .... and I was now bringing a baby into it all? Oh my goodness...a baby!!!!! I was a baby myself for crying out loud.........what did I do?

I faced the challenge head on and accepted my new role as a mom....I graduated on the same day as all of my classmates..much to many people's predictions that i would fail......I gathered my small income, my small bundle of baby and moved out on my own.......This was no small task....but I felt like I had been readied.....

Now today that little girl is a teenager, and she is so amazing....

i have learned from my childhood, that not everything can be hunky dory, and we just live through it....

I also made the conscience decision to break the cycle that my childhood had essentially set up for me....

I am trying to be the most involved mother i can be, and I am trying to make the right decisions that will not impact only me, but my children....gosh I hope they won't have years of adult therapy when all is said and done........

Looking back, I am kinda glad it was the way it was....I can appreciate the simple pleasures in life now, and take nothing for granted.......God knew what he was doing........

Well that's what I have right now...i must get back to my task at hand.....until next time........

this makes no sense....to any of you....but its ok

So i have been researching lately, yeah thats what we will call it....

and I have discovered that women are weird...like pyscho weird

I know I know I know...I am a woman, and quite frankly I must admit I have my moments of Crazy....

Why is it we feel the need to wage a psychological warfare on other women? I mean sure some of the woman are mean and nasty, but seriously, why cant we just tend to our own things?

I am not gonna lie, I can wage a pretty nasty war as well as any other...but I dont do it unprovoked---

And seriously? Why do some women feel the need to bash their spouses in front of other women? Unless, naturally, one of those women is an ex, in which case we have to swoon over and rub in all of the public displays of affection..... It's nothing more than a juvenile effort of a mind game.

Come on ladies, get some class!

There is a saying (probably coined by a woman) where you keep your friends close and your enemies closer.....why?

Let your enemies just be....if you keep them close you have a constant reminder of why they are NOT your friends...

Heck, I would even say that its better to just go ahead and pray for them... let them live their life and pray blessing upon them.....

Yeah. that's what i am gonna do, I have researched this woman and at first I liked her...like really...now I feel like she is two faced and I just don't care for her.....I don't like it when she rubs stuff in my face...frankly, my dear "friend", I was taught by my parents to share my unwanted toys with someone less fortunate...so you can keep what You have acquired...its of no consequence to me...like at all.... I don't wish to be friends..mere acquaintances is enough for me...you will learn without any of my influence..you will

I am done, done baby... as for warfare...well lets just say that some people are Generals and some are soldiers.... I am a General......

This is my strategic plan for your futile attempt at psychological warfare....... run with that my dear "friend"

As for the rest of you....just keep on keeping on.......until next time

This is what I know.......

I once heard some famous writer person (yeah THAT'S proper English) say...write what you know........ hmm... what I know?

I love the smell of the fallen leaves...

I miss Mountain Biking, just a girl and her bike in the woods.....

I absolutely love my newest kitchen gadget, kitchen-aide mixer, tons of baking coming up.....

I am blessed....

Sitting and braiding my teenager's hair makes me appreciate that she still loves her momma......

I love grocery shopping with my husband....It's kinda an adventure :o)

I love my early mornings of silence.....

I am blessed....

I have a craving to go Musky fishing.....ah the thrill of seeing one follow your bait....

I love a nice stiff drink once in awhile......

I have a wonderful business with even more wonderful staff, without them, I couldn't accomplish the task that God set before me......

I am Blessed....

I love getting flowers from my husband on just because days......

I love watching my girls advance in life, and be successful.....

I love when My Mother-in-Law stops by my office and leaves me goodies, randomly.....

I am Blessed.......

I missed my church family this week......

I feel accomplished, most days.....

I love standing at the bus stop with all of the kids in the morning and hearing random thoughts they have......

I am blessed....

I am addicted to coffee, and a coffee snob to boot, but its ok with me....

I bake when I am stressed....

I change my hair color when I am overwhelmed and the baking doesn't help....

I am blessed...

I have a media mogul for a friend...

I live in the perfect size home.....

I am a planner, a General......

I am blessed

These are things I know, today...... tomorrow it will be a different story

That's all I have... until next time......

A little grace.....

This morning is BEAUTIFUL!

sitting in my home while my family slumbers...

soaking up the sunshine in my bay window, with my computer, my coffee in hand, my dog snuggled at my feet, and my thoughts....

its a good day.....

God has blessed me yet again......

sometimes I wonder .. "am I worthy? Do I TRULY deserve all of this?"

The answer...honestly...NO, But that's what grace is, getting something you don't deserve.........

Thank you for blessing me, thank for letting me walk in Your grace..... Thank you.....

That's what I have this morning....its a Thank You note.....until next time...

These are a few of my favorite things.....

Lately I have been doing some reflecting...and and rereading some of my crazy posts....its slightly therapeutic....

But I have also discovered that while I am striving to be a great mother to my most amazing girlies, and a submissive and loving wife to my husband.....I must also realize the little things about them that I adore...

so here's a list of those things ( i am not going to sing like Julie Andrews or anything)

My girlies:

Oldest-- she's so beautiful, like really

She lives up to her name :)

She has an amazing smile that lights up the room

She is a great friend to those around her---very compassionate!

She has a fantastic sense of humor

She is brilliant---seriously, she is a great problem solver

She is a loving big sister

She has a heart that speaks to other people's souls

She is an awesome hockey player--I love watching her skate

I love her to the moon and back!!!

Youngest--She's also adorable

She is adventurous

She has the cutest laugh

She races BMX, snowboards like nobody's business, snowshoes, and mountain bikes

She LOVES her momma's cooking (always a bonus)

She is intelligent -- also a great problem solver

She is creative-- the only kid i know that can turn "junk" into something with some glue and crayons

She has a heart that speaks to nature--- animals love her and butterflies use her for a landing site more often than not

She is fearless

I love her more than there are stars in the sky!

My Husband--

He is handsome

His smile is contagious

He has a heart of Gold!! He loves me so much!

He is a great provider

He makes me laugh

His hugs make any issue dissolve

His kisses are little love note reminders

He loves our girls

He is witty--not always a bonus when I am trying to win an disagreement

He loves God, and Blesses the socks off me!

I love him!!!!!

I love my little fam! I know we have our issues, some days more than a magazine company, but we get through..and most often it's with a smile at the end. We have so much fun together as a family. We have MANY laughs (most at the dinner table, which occasionally frustrates my husband :) )

I am truly Blessed! I would NEVER appreciate what I have today if I didn't go through the entire mess 9 years ago. I want my daughters to grow up knowing what Love looks like so that when they find someone to grow old with, they know what to look for. .... so they can have giggle fits at dinner, or air bands in the car.......

that's all I have for now...... until next time........................

Great things come in Pairs.....

This is my attempt at making sense of it all.....and true enough, It may make absolutely no sense at all...but hey I warned you

Great things come in pairs:

and people are like socks and shoes

Now, there are all kinds of socks,

plain white everyday socks--which are good with most shoes and comfy, the only thing that is bothersome about these is that sometimes the seam along the toe line is uncomfortable, but we deal with it

toe socks--weird, I'll admit, but hey a pretty cool idea, and they are also functional, if you can get past the bold designs and the weirdness they give your already strange looking toes

wool socks--keep your toes warm, only problem is that sometimes the don't fit in your shoe

Dress socks (these come in two varieties) the first is just your plain jane cotton dark trouser socks, their function is to make you look business savvy, because we all know that you CANNOT wear white socks with dress shoes and trousers...it doesn't work. The second kind is the REALLY nice almost silk-like trouser socks, not only do they make you look good, they feel like the 1000 thread count cotton sheets that you wanna sleep in all day. Functionality, style, and comfort...ooooh yeah!

which brings me to my point...Praise the Lord she believes she has a point.....

We are like pairs of shoes and socks...like together, as in compatibility,

Shoes:

work boots--hard working people who labor

army boot--military

tennis shoes-- everyday people

specific athletic shoes i.e. football, baseball,bike, etc --athletic people

dress shoes--business or fashion savvy people

birkenstocks--yep, granola munchers

flip flops--no sock needed, carefree, toes to the wind ( this kind of person doesn't even need a match)

So you can have a couple who is like the white socks and tennis shoes, and it works...they are comfortable together, they function together etc.

you can have someone who is like a dress sock with someone who like a tennis shoe and it works, most of the time, but only until it doesn't work anymore and then they find the sock/shoe that matches the best!!!!

You cannot have plain jane white socks with the birkenstock, it works for a short time, but then the white sock isnt mucnhie enough, and that toeline seam keeps getting twisted and bunched... so the birkenstock has to find the all natural wool/hemp sock to make the ideal fit.

You see, we can make ANYTHING work for a little while....but it works BEST when you have the BEST fits, together.........

It isn't until you try on a few shoes that you realize which one is the best fit.....and you'll NEVER fully appreciate a really great dress shoe or dress sock until you've tried the others.......

oh and remember, toe socks are cute, but only for so long, then you kinda have to grow up and find a sock that best fits your personality......

Think about it........ I may be completely off my rockers today, but at least I know the difference between the birkenstock and Manzoni footwear...and I am never goin back.......uh huh!!!

that's it for now...until next time........................................................

A word to the wise... (but its not for you)

As a society we have lost the "art" of letter writing.... I am not complaining, but I was thinking..... I would like a letter.....one that was informative, a sort of heads up...then I thought AHA! I can write one of those kinds to you...you know who you are....and if it isn't you( and you would know if it was you), then don't bother reading anymore of this, because frankly it doesn't apply, and it will only sound like the crazy rants of some nut job--probably

Dear.....well you know who you are....

I know what you're thinking, no I don't have ESP, I have just been where you are and I know. You feel amazing, higher than life, maybe even slightly invincible. But there is is where your weakness lies....the Enemy will totally exploit that weakness and bring you and your lover to your knees.....Beware and Stay strong in the Word. For even thought current situations seem amazing and wondrous and like NOTHING will go bad, you will inevitably, be wrong.

Slowly a slight transition will be made......you will no longer have control over anything you used to. Your activities will be dictated, your diet will be monitored, your sleep schedule will be disrupted, all for the sake of not wanting to appear "lazy"

Your home that you had made a house before He moved in, will seem to merge together quite nicely, but a word of caution, this will not last....i am sad to say it, but it won't. I am confident you have already done a majority of the work, moving His stuff in.....whatever His excuse has been, His back, He hasn't as much time to do it as you do, whatever the reason, it's because in His head...this is your job......not his, even though it's not your stuff.

Right now you appear to be receiving all kinds of "gifts" and soon you will actually receive more, since the season is about to change, and quite frankly, so will your hobbies....oh and for the record, you will no longer have your own hobbies, for your likes will need to adapt to His....this is essential for the survival of your relationship...naturally.

If you have any kind of finances I suggest you at least maintain some form of order to them, on your own, unless of course, you have already relinquished that to Him. In which case, its a moot point. If He has control of the financials..Don't expect the heat to reach over 60 in the winters (which can get pretty cold here) because it costs too much. You will end up at some point in your term, justifying everything you purchase while He does little to justify his ridiculous amount of spending on "hobbies" Being a good steward is one thing...but his ways border on control freak...

Soon you will also see a decrease in the amount of time you spend with the people you now call friends....subtly they will be winnowed out of your life, and before you realize what's going on, all you will have is Him. This eliminates any form of competition for Him and also secludes you, which is ultimately what he wants.

You will, if you haven't already, not make ANY of the decisions in the home, which is tragic, because He can't make a solid -committed decision to save His life. You will not have cozy, lazy, unplanned weekends anymore, and your job will be to figure out some form of entertainment, free entertainment all of the time. But ultimately He will decide what to do, at the last minute and with no preparation.....

Your family won't be the priority at holidays, you will be traveling to see His family. And you can forget about placing gifts under the tree after year 2.....He can only perform for so long.

So to conclude....Don't be lazy, Adjust your life completely, Don't expect Him to change at all, and for the record, don't you dare let A THING come before him...EVER. If you don't take note to any of this, if you disregard EVERYTHING said here, if you choose to think for a second that I am not talking about you, or if I am talking about you-that I am completely off base, you will look back at THIS moment a year from now, and think...God I wish I would have at least listened and given those statements a little more weight. However, outlandish you seem to think they are...people don't change, at least without God people don't change....and honestly, someone who has God guiding them... doesn't behave the way I know, for a fact, He behaves......just something to chew on for a while.........

And I realize that WE ALL make some minor adjustment in order to adapt to being with someone...I totally get that. Just don't lose yourself in the adaptation. keep something of yourself...because if it fails, you will have lost a great deal, and may be unable to recover.

I hope the best, i really do. I am sorry if this comes at a point where you don't care or feel like I am COMPLETELY wrong....but my dear friend....it's purely a heads up...maybe this way, now that you hold this knowledge, you can adjust somethings in the lifestyle and make everything work out picture perfect...maybe you can adjust and be everything He wants you to be.....maybe. I most certainly would have liked to have such a heads up before I headed down some of the paths that I had chosen.

Until next time...............

This is not rocket science.........

Have you ever sat and watched a horror flick or any other movie for that matter and been able to "predict " what was going to happen? It takes all of the suspense out doesn't it? On the other hand it can be kinda fun, like a game actually, guessing and then letting the movie continue only to confirm your guess...insert a little victory dance and chuckle...some things are so predictable-

I am having something like that happen in my little life...

Except it isnt a movie, its real-life...and it's not really MY life ...I am standing as a third party watching my "previous" life unfold before me AGAIN.....it's kinda weird..maybe even slightly sad.....

I can predict each move...every major milestone...with almost the same precision a chess player calculates the opponent's next move...its slightly creepy...and tragic..

I feel like the oracle in that movie the Never Ending Story......It's entertaining, no doubt...as in the selfish kind of entertainment...but I stand back and see the "whys" of it all and have come to realize.....maybe the colossal failure wasn't all my fault...

It's crazy, I have NAILED the last 4 things that have happened...although my timing was a bit off with this last one I will admit......but only by 2 weeks...sheesh!

I fell kinda ripped off actually, now that I am thinking about it..I mean really? You don't have any originality? You're a one pony show.... and for the record your t-shirt that says BE ORIGINAL......maybe you should take that advice! *sigh*

I am actually kinda mad right now....You made me feel important, loved even, and then .... when it didn't work, when everything was tried and had failed...you made me feel insignificant, unimportant, useless.... I am having a little righteous anger......frustration *MERH*

I have seen the ending to this movie.......it doesn't take a genius to figure out...and i think the definition of INSANITY is doing the same thing over and over again, expecting different results....it doesn't take a rocket scientist....just saying

I am over it....I am ..... :o) *phew* now ..... until next time....................

Change it up?

Today the wonderful world of FaceBook had a facelift....now I am not one to complain about change but other people are not so....hmm...open minded? Reading all of the complaints that have been posted got me thinking...

Humans are funny..weird, creatures of habit.....

Change is inevitable...we humans can't accept change, generally without some form of griping

This applies to ALL aspects of our life.... figure out a way to deal with it...

This is Facebook we are talking about people....IT WILL CHANGE..it's technology (this is something that changes)

think about it..change

these are just some things that have changed, and are really OK..

8 track to CDs to IPODS..... I love the convenience factor of not needing to lug around TONS of bulky CDs in order to feed my soul with some tunes!

Growing your own veggie garden to 24 hour a day open grocery stores that have a FULL stock of fresh veggies... hey gardening is great, but I just don't have the knack for it and would surely starve if there wasn't a grocery store that had everything I need....

horse and carts to AUTOMOBILES.... and the constant technological advances for the cars....yep I love auto manufacturers....complain about gas prices all you want, it's probably cheaper than buying a horse and feeding, maintaining, and providing space for this animal.... and the clean up is way better---i think

snail mail to email...not only is it slightly "more green" since we don't have to kill off a TON of trees to communicate, its way faster!

telegram to cell phone....face it we all love the fact that our cell phones are never very far out of reach and we have an entire army of people at our fingertips, whom we can inform about anything at anytime...sometimes this leads to what I call "diarrhea of the mouth" but that's another blog

so i guess that the "point" i am trying to make is this.......put on your big girl panties and suck it up, yeah, change isn't always wanted or what we deem necessary, but really? I think we will live...

also, its JUST FACEBOOK people!!!!! we don't even need it to function in our everyday life....thats' all I have for now, until next time..........

You're Unbelievable........

Have you ever sat to think about WHY most people go to church? I mean there are many reasons why people don't, but I have been thinking about the WHY they DO.

We had this conversation the ohter night over a great smelling campfire, and we came to some conclusions....

Some (although not most) people go to church because it makes them feel good about themselves afterwards

Some people (a minority, I am afraid) go to actually get their cup filled, to have the Holy Spirirt move them in some way, to feed their soul

In my community, I think this last one is, unfortunately the main reason...

To see and be seen rubbing elbows with certain people of influence.

Now being seen is ok, as is seeing others. I can't express to you how important it is to have the amazing fellowship that happens in a church family. But, i live in a community where image seems to reign, and the olympic sport of this town is gossip.....So people are hugely concerned with image and personal "status" How can i update my FB status to get noticed? Who can i friend so that it makes me look good? How can i show that I make lots of money? Who can I talk to and get juicy information from? It's sad really.

In my comminuty there are PLENTY of churches to attend, some are smaller close knit churches who seems to shun those who arent already established and the others are larger with people who go to church out the "image" obligation. Now, I realize there are SOME people who arent concerned with image and truly just want to go to a church to establish a better relationship with Christ. BUT it seems a vast majority of the people in my community are going for image. They walk into the church wearing their most fashionable clothes and sit down to chat with the influential people. They make it a point to be seen putting a large check inthe offering plate. It's the "look at me look at me I am being humble syndrome"

People, come on! I am telling you that image has absolutely nothing to do with how we spend eternity!!!!! It's not about WHO you're rubbing elbows with on Sunday.....its about WHO you have a rooted, spiritual relationship with...it's not about your image, it's not about YOU!

Why on earth do you think alot of people either stop going to church, or don't even bother? It's due to the hypocrites sitting in those chairs suffering from the look at me syndrome....... It's because in my community if you don't have the correct last name or anything Juicy to offer the other "religious people" you aren't even worth their time to glance over in your direction. If you aren't wearing name brand clothing and holding a designer purse or driving a new car...they often times, don't care about who you are sitting by yourself.

Here's something to chew on for awhile....the single greatest cause of Atheism.... is Christians, who acknowledge these things with their lips, but go on living by their own lifestyle. THIS is what an unbelieving world, simply finds UNBELIEVABLE.....

Walk the walk...be accountable......stop being a hypocrite......fill your cup, feed your soul, and establish that deep rooted relationship you need......I am going to get off my soapbox for now......until next time.........

food for the soul

PRODUCTIVITY!!! that's the word for the day

I managed to clean my home...darn near a miracle

I baked a loaf of beer bread and made some garlic dip to go with it....was delicious

Made 36 no bake cookies.. you know the kind with peanut butter, oatmeal, and chocolate...oh yeah baby!

Made 16 from scratch homemade cinnamon rolls, with frosting ...was glorious smelling

made 16 from scratch homemade sticky buns...a "family" recipe (thanks to my...umm I guess she'd be my ex-mom-in-law)

Baked a turkey breast for tomorrow's lunch--scrumptious turkey salad pitas

Even managed to feed my soul (when I wasn't feeding my mouth) with some tunes as I worked in the kitchen.

Now that I have made food for our bellies, I am going to finish off the night with more food for my soul...a campfire with friends and family........until next time

My Treat....

This is a morning that I have been craving for quite some time....I woke up a little later than normal (translation-- I got to sleep in) which is ALWAYS a treat. :o)

I have a pygmie coming by to play at my house for the morning, which is also, a treat.

I have fresh brewed coffee in hand and am indulging in a new creamer--sweet Italian cream--which, as it turns out --is kinda a treat.

I have no real agenda today---yet another treat, kinda a break before hockey filled weekends take over my agenda. *lets stop here for a note* I generally have weekends planned out with working, hockey, family events away from home, or something that crams my schedule, I just try and roll with it.....

My love just told me that we are attending my favorite church, again tomorrow....a treat!

The sun is shining and the breeze is beautiful....a treat

I cleaned my kitchen top to bottom before anyone else woke up this morning, and now its fresh and ready for some baking later---TREAT!

My teenager is currently working on catching up with the laundry--TREAT!

I am thinking tonight will be the perfect night for a campfire----TREAT!

My life in on track again, and I am facing each day with joy and peace---TREAT!

God is good my friends.....that's what I have this morning...I am off to bake and be a homemaker today.....until next time.........................

Dream on!

Some people dream of success, while others wake up and work at it......

I got this little nugget of motivation from My husband today....

I must say that I believe he may be onto something......

I am by no means, a dreamer...I mean I have "visions" sometimes ..... but as far as sitting in a window with my hands under my chin dreaming of blue skies and puppy kisses? Not so much for me......

I am an executor....an implementer.....a worker... I just do. It's not always the best thing for me to do, I mean I rarely pre-calculate anything before trying to accomplish it....although this method has led to some humorous stories, it has also led to some painful ones. Live and learn.

As a general rule of thumb, I try and let the Big Guy (and I don't necessarily mean my husband) guide my decision making. It works....sometimes, except for when, well, when it doesn't.

I am not saying that I am impulsive, I just don't dream about it first.

What, do you say, can I base this "success" bit on? Well, I would say that our business is doing quite well, and I would go even further to say that it's because we WORK at it. We are not sitting behind a desk "dreaming" about success, we are executing the work needed FOR success. I will also admit that it doesn't hurt that God's hand is on it, because we are doing what he has led us to do, and we are being good stewards with His blessings.

Now, a side note, I am not saying that you shouldn't be a dreamer, because God knows we need dreamers.

That's all I have this morning....until next time..............

SMILE!

Good Monday morning! Generally Mondays are not all wonderful for some because it marks the start of a new work week, but today is labor day so NO WORK for most. YEEEHAW!

At any rate, today is going to be great.....in fact now that I look back on it, this whole weekend has been great! :o)

Saturday we had a massive brat fest (like sausages, not naughty kids) and then after that My hubby and I played a board game with friends, after enjoying a most delicious steak----side note-- our friend has the most wonderful marinade that he uses and then he grills the steaks to our liking , now as a rule I favor a nice succulent filet (no bones or fat to mess with) but whenever our Canadian clubber friend makes his ribeye, I just cant seem to turn it away--its a melt-in-your-mouth, yummy goodnesss---mmmmm----anyhow....We played a board game and had many laughs, it was a great night. We even extended an invite for the couple to go to church with us the next day, and they accepted....HOLY SMOKES!

Sunday morning was busy, we had to drop off our oldest daughter by my ex-husband and his girlfriend so the kids and them could go camping...the exchange was civil and even nice, there IS hope for the future, my friends :)

Then we traveled further North to attend church..... (oh heavens I have FOUND a church!!!) yes, yes, I now it takes a little over an hour to drive to church, but, as my friend says..a church thats alive is worth the drive...think about it, people drive further for less....anyhow our friends came as well, which was most excellent! A great message and amazing fellowship!

After the service we had planned on going to this great little restaurant that serves pizza and Cesar salads, I was excited! we drove 15 minutes to get there and much to my dismay they were closed :( bah!!!!! no lunch?!? come on this is LABOR day weekend, one of the busiest times of the year, and they were closed?! *sigh*

It was then decided that we would make our way south and keep our eyes open on the way home for another fine establishment to eat at. We drove on and came across a restaurant that was rich with history, Dillinger was found at this place and even had a shoot out with the FBI...perfect, two of my favorite things, food and history, top that off with great company and perhaps an old fashion, and my day was complete.....but ah alas, it was going to be a bit of of a wait, like 35-45 minutes (completely understandable for a busy weekend) but we were traveling with a toddler who was not into playing the waiting game...so we opted out of that place and kept moving south.....on our way I discovered (using an app on my incredible phone) that there was a microbrew pub not far from where we were....our new found place to eat :o) Fast forward through the insane amount of traffic and we arrive only to find that the wait is now well over an hour for this place...UGH!!!!! This was not working out for us... we all decided that Culvers was the best place, no wait, easy menu, and.....not far from where we were...so we enjoyed butter burgers and frozen custard....all in all in was a great day :o)

So recap, I worked a brat fest, played some board games, ate some delicious steak, took in an amazing message, had a minor restaurant treasure hunt, hung out with friends, and even fit in some time to relax........Man !

I had a great weekend, and today I have done light housework, but for the rest of the day I am doing not much more than I have to.....I mean, afterall, even God rested on the 7th day..... that's it..... keep smiling my friends! Until next time....................................

First of all.......

Yesterday marked the first day for area schools here...and it got me thinking...firsts...hmmmm

My daughters will both have MANY firsts, some of which I am not at all prepared for, and many of which I have experienced myself....

My First day of school, ever----I remember riding the bus and going for aWHOLE day without my mom....I lived

My First ever belted spanking--I gave my infant sister to the neighbors...in my defense, It would have saved my parents alot of trouble later in life...but....I lived.

My First broken bone---happened in 3rd grade, I was showing off, and being sassy. Trying to one up the boys, I made it and then fell......I lived

My First boyfriend---middle school, kinda a big deal, we passed notes and walked down the halls together, he was a level 7 clinger and I was not......I lived

My First day of High school---intimidating, and new, kept my nose down and my mouth shut....I lived.

My First Kiss---like from a serious "boyfriend", it was....ok.......not the foot popping kinda thing you read about, but.....I lived.

My First Iced Coffee----I was at an amusement park with my father, Iced mocha...been addicted ever since....I am still living

My First Job---Bussing tables at a restaurant, it was not at all fun, and I went home smelling like a fried egg...but I lived.

My First "fight"---a jealous girl in high school kicked my butt, I still don't think I had it coming, but ...I lived.

My First BEST FRIEND---she and I are still best friends and have been for 20 years, we dont talk everyday, but when the time is needed we are there to help.....a friend for LIFE.

My First Car--- a beater to end all beaters, but I paid for it with my own money, and until my boyfriend totaled it.... but while I had it.....I got to live!

My First Daughter---although not at all planned, she was my responsibility and I took to the task...I am still Living...

My First Apartment---little, and empty, but I made it my own and paid the rent....I lived.

My First day of College---slightly homesick, and broke, but it's something tat every teenager should go through...I lived.

My First Love---I will always hold a special place in my heart for him, but he broke my heart and I cried---alot----nobody wants to go through heartache, but everyone does.....and.....I lived.

My First time snowboarding--I was not at all graceful, in fact most of my day was spent getting back up, but I love the feel of fresh powder under my board as i carve my way down the mountain...thats what I call LIVING.

Everyone's life is full of Firsts......and then followed by many afters.....I think it's how we deal with the Firsts that help us get through all of the rest of life...all you gotta do....is live to face another day.... Just Live! Until next time..............................

A little slice of my Heaven............

Early morning cups of coffee while I spend time with my Creator......AMAZING

Praying over my daughters and their futures as they sleep peacefully...FULFILLING

Looking at my dear husband, and admiring him from afar, when he doesn't notice.....INSPIRING

Walks outside with my daughters hand in mine while we discuss the finer things in life, such as how many flowers she can name.........ASTONISHING

Enjoying a black cow ice cream drink with two of the world's greatest daughters, while soaking up some sunshine......REFRESHING

Listening to loads of giggles come from my daughters' bedroom as they hang out together.....RELAXING

Knowing that, without a doubt, God has brought me to where I need to be, and that everyday can be as wonderful as this one.........OUTSTANDING!

Until next time.....................................................

the game of LIFE

Today is a Friday... a really great Friday.

I have half of the day off to hang with my favorite girlies, who have decided to go and play dress up like sisters do. I came home and logged on to the infamous FaceBook, to see the goings on of others in my circle of friends, nothing really happening.....

I have come full circle too, THANK GOD! I am so Blessed that this new lady is in my youngest daughter's life-----Pause here for the eye rolling and the look of --IS SHE KIDDING?---yep, true story. This new outlook didn't come from me, really. I had ALOT of prayer happening and spoke with a select few people that I can trust their opinions are subjective. After having my own little pity party, and then deciding enough was enough, I pulled up my big girl pants. I have realized that my youngest daughter NEEDS all of these amazing people in her life, to love and support her. It will be totally ok!

Stop shaking your head at me, It's a bit strange I will admit, but I think I am onto something? Think about....everyone of us is WHO we are right now because of experiences in our lives and people we have in our life...... so really the more people the better..... yup, that's what I am sticking with........until next time

Bless you!

Who am I?

I am a mother of two most beautiful daughters.. one has a soul that speaks to other people's hearts, and the other has a soul that speaks to nature...both are gifted, each one different...I am Blessed

I am a wife to an amazing man..he is patient with me, and loves me even when I am broken...he prays for me everyday and we will grow old together loving each other's company...I am Blessed

I am a God-fearing woman...I pray for all of my family and friends, and I recognize when the Enemy tries to dissuade me and my family...I love each of my friends and family...I am Blessed

I am a seed planter..I can't garden, but I can most certainly plant seeds of Christ's salvation in young children that I teach everyday...God has trusted me for this task...I am Blessed

I am a teacher..I plan and implement lessons through play and experiences to ready the young generation to be successful adults later in life...I relish every experience..I am Blessed

I am a threat to my Enemy..I spend a great amount of time in the Word, and can use this Sword to keep my Enemy at bay.. I stand the front lines with my friends... we all "got each other's backs"...I am Blessed

I am a student..I learn everyday something new..whether by experience or by the book...I don't always immediately implement a lesson learned, but over time I think God finally gets His point across..I am Blessed

I am a housekeeper..not the BEST housekeeper, but I maintain a home. My House is free of clutter, and I am pretty descent on keeping up on laundry(mostly) Dirty dishes aren't left in my kitchen sink, and soap scum isn't overtaking my bathroom...i do get some help with these tasks, I'll admit...but still..I am Blessed

I am a chef..not a gourmet chef, but i can whip up a thrifty little meal, more often than not. I have been known to serve cold cereal for dinner, but hasn't everyone? God has trusted me to raise a family..I am Blessed.

I am a daughter..Not the world's greatest daughter, and often times I forget to call my parents. But when push comes to shove, I love all of my parents, even if I forget to remind them.. I am Blessed.

I am a sister..an older sister to some and younger sister to others. We have had our ups and downs, but blood is ALWAYS thicker than water..I am Blessed.

I am a sister-in-law..I have married one of 5 boys, and with that comes a variety of brothers and sisters. I love each one for different reasons. The way I think of it, the "in-law" is just a technical term for family..I am Blessed.

I am a fighter..I will stand up and fight for all of my friends and family. I will stand the front lines and be right there next to you in the trenches. I may be small, but I am scrappy. I am a force to be reckoned with..I am Blessed.

I am a writer..I have written letters and reports, I have written this blog (albeit not the work of a top selling novelist) but a mostly coherent rambling at any rate...I am Blessed.

I am a book devour-er..I can chew through a wonderfully woven novel within days. I love the smell of books and the feel of their pages in my fingertips. I grew up with a private library larger than most town libraries in my Grandfather's home, and I have a rush of nostalgia when i can catch the whiff of a well-worn older novel..I am Blessed.

I am wealthy..I don't have a huge disposable income. But my wealth comes from my family and friends who enrich my being with their humor, seriousness, laughter, and tears. God has trusted me with a family to raise and friends to inspire. He has gifted me with an outgoing energetic personality and a soul that reaches most peoples' hearts.

I am BLESSED......and even though there are days when I find it tough to admit just how Blessed I am, God always remains patient until I re-grasp the absolute Truth.....Until next time......

who?, me?

When someone "passes" away the eulogies that are spoken at the funeral are usually ones that celebrate that person's life...the DASH between the year of birth and year of "passing" Now I know this sounds morbid, but I have seriously been reflecting on what someone would say about my dash......

Would someone remember me as so-and-so's Mom? So-and-so's wife? or So-and-so who founded this business? Or would they remember what I had done over the course of my life, perhaps some accomplishments? Would they recall all of the silly things I may have done? Or what?

I have been thinking about WHO I AM... and quite frankly...i have no idea!

I feel like I have nothing real to offer. I am not one of those homemakers...the ones who can make all of the personal items in a home, one who's house is stocked full of homemade jams and jellies, canned veggies, homemade soaps, and stuff like that.

I used to think I was a bit crafty, but I don"t believe I had a gift for it, I believe I was just like any other average person putting things together. In fact I bet if you tried to "craft" some of the things I have done over the course of time, you would find that they are things anyone can do.

I am not a gardening fool, flowers, veggies or any other variety. I mean I guess if i absolutely had to be, out of necessity, I COULD do it, but...

I am not exceptional at my choice of career. I am average, and again, I think that anyone could do it.. sometimes I even wonder if I am capable of pulling off another day.

I am not a supermom like some of the women I know. You know the ones who get all of the laundry done and put away, keep their homes immaculately clean, homemade dinners every evening, make it to every practice and every game, take a load of pictures to commemorate each moment, help with homework and create and mold a successful mind, and still have time for a coffee clutch with the girlfriends. I am not that kind of mom. I struggle to get a hot meal on the table before 7:30 pm, I struggle to keep up with laundry, I struggle to make it to every game due to schedule conflicts, I struggle to even have girlfriends, let alone coffee clutches with them.

So I guess my dash would consist of .....well, she at least existed. That's about it currently.... Geez I need to fix this, I seriously need to reflect and figure out something. ... until next time..............

DELIGHTFUL!

This is a day that I will delight in the little things.... "great are the works of the Lord; they are pondered by all who delight in them" So I guess God is in the details, my friends. This is just a few small things I can delight in:

fresh cut grass smell...especially when my teenager is the one who cut the grass

a smile from my best friend...since he is smiling at me while i dance around like a silly child

a phone call...from my youngest daughter whom I love more than there are stars in the sky

laughter from a pygmie...when I am playing peek-a-boo

chocolate...come on, that's a no-brainer

sunshine......i love basking in God's glory of a sunny day

kindle....unlimited amounts of books available for me to read? ROCK ON! :o)

gas in my car.....my best friend always makes sure I have gas (which i never have to pump myself)

a free carwash...... so i can sit in the auto wash and ponder life's questions for 6 minutes :o)

the smell of coffee....just makes me smile!

hugs.....in any form, usually from anyone...it helps me stay focused on whats important...people

worship songs....I love singing my heart out to my Savior

Loud music with a great beat....puts a smile on my face and cleanses my soul

sand in a sandbox...cool sand between my toes while the pygmies play...

my precious daughters.... I have the best 2 girls ever, I am so very blessed!

I guess I would have to say that even when I am having awful days, which happens to everyone, I MUST delight in the small things, because otherwise, what do you have? Life's too short not to realize how blessed I am. From now on, I will delight in the small things....and LOVE EVERY MINUTE OF IT! until next time...................................

Good Grief!

I have decided that my hormones are running the show lately, and quite honestly, I am NOT OK with it AT ALL! I hate crying, hate it hate it hate it! I hate it even more when someone else sees me cry......and today I think EVERYONE i came into contact with has witnessed my ridiculous tears. Yep, I suck today at keeping my feelings in a jar beside my bed... BAH! Darn you female hormones!

I have also come to conclude that there are many things i CAN grieve for, it's ok to grieve, in fact I think most people would say it's part of everyday normal life. Me, on the other hand, I just don't grieve...too many emotions involved, and we all know that I hate showing emotions. I try to fool everyone (including myself) into believing that my feelings are tucked safely away, but quite honestly, I am not able to keep my emotions from slipping out onto my sleeve. DARN!

Anyhow I had a wonderful friend of mine who battled cancer for 13 years ( a 5x survivor one might say) and she finally was able to go in peace to rest with our Savior. This grieves me.... I am sad and I wept. I also have reached a MAJOR milestone in my life with previous relationships. My first marriage, although it wasn't all pies in the sky and love in our eyes, has most certainly come to a close...like FINAL, like DONE, like dead. And while it is true that I am remarried and I have moved on, I guess I didn't really grieve the loss initially. But now that He has found someone else, I grieve. It's not the loss of him, per say, but the loss of a chapter in my life. Until he moved on I didn't really feel the need to grieve, it's crazy i must admit.

So here I sit feeling grief, and not really sure how to handle it, because I have never really had to grieve, sounds a bit pompous right? Well I am sorry, but it's the truth. Maybe other things in my life were not what I deemed necessary to grieve? Or maybe I, until recently, wasn't sensitive or maybe i was selfish? Who knows? I just know that God is most certainly working on me.

I am working on humility, and grace. I am working on unconditional love, and forgiveness. I am working on me. While grief is somewhere in between complete sorrow and absolute healing, I can't wait until I can look back at this chapter in my life and smile with no regrets, and just move forward... until next time.......................................

Crazy?! Most certainly!

Well Hello!

*sigh* It's been one heck of a week my friends, for sure! Last weekend I was on top of the world, flying high on life, and then well Monday (you guys read it) I was ready to crawl into a pit and just die a slow miserable death...what? that's not healthy?

Now I am back to feeling better, I still have reservations on some of life's moves, but for the most part my heart is at peace. What changed?

Well well well, I am so glad you asked. :) I decided I was gonna go big or go home (as is a common phrase in my household) I decided to give it my all and leave the results to God, and I must admit....He is taking things down a path I never would have ventured on my own, but it's most certainly interesting.

I made it a point to make contact with the new woman in my daughter's life...*GASP* i know what you're thinking and quite frankly I believe you're wrong. I didn't do it out of malice or even to try and stay involved like a wedge in the ex's life...nope i did it for my daughter...really. I figured that if this woman who is going to be part of my daughter's life I should try and make an alliance with her? A GENUINE ONE, not one of those smile to your face and grit your teeth while chewing off your tongue kinda things, NO, I wanted to go big or I was going home. I want a genuine cooperative relationship with this woman....call me crazy.

So i went about it the non-intrusive way...i emailed her (after I found her on facebook) ----- let's pause here for a quick break in thought... Facebook has become quite the little resource for people, i mean come on, I didnt even know this girl's lastname, and I found her. It was just a matter of cross checking some friends that my ex and i share and going from there. Pretty simple even, and I could email her without having to friend request her, so it worked for me---- Anyhow I was just totally brutally honest with her, and she responded with respect and genuine compassion. I must say i am kinda diggin her! Now, however, I bet (since I know my ex pretty good) that he is not exactly comfortable with it, so I bet, that even though I have given her no reason to not like me (cause let's face it I AM pretty likeable) she has reservations about whether or not to trust me, or worse yet, like me. I am good with it, though.

I am just going to keep our communication open between the two of us, and hopefully we can establish something that resembles a cooperative parenting relationship...again call me crazy, but i call it a bit of optimism. I should also add that since I have communicated with her a handful of times already, my heart is totally at peace with her our daughter's life. She is going to be someone who will make sure our little girl has braids in her hair for school, has holiday decorations in her home, can have someone to consult with on her attire for the day, and hey, maybe even paint her tootsies. I would have to say that I know this woman will never take my place as Mom, she's going to make one heck of a impact on our daughter, as far as being a woman in her life, goes. And maybe someday when our daughter calls her mom too, I can call her a friend...sounds all gushy doesn't it? Yep, sure does, and I am glad that's the course I am on, instead of the feeling sorry for myself , crawl into hole, path I was on earlier this week. God is good, my friends, God is good! Until next time.........

Jealous?! You bet your butt I am......

Today I am struggling, today I seem like an utter and total failure at the game of LIFE, I know it's the Enemy hittin me hard, and i will prevail, but i just cant seem to get my footing! UGH!

I would have to say it all started when I had a moment of awkwardness, and from that very moment on, I have had a block that I cant seem to hear my FATHER'S voice lately. It's maddening!

The moment happened the other night when I went for a routine watch of my youngest daughter's adventure sport...Now I left my husband behind because I knew my ex husband would be there and it would in fact be awkward, and I hadn't told him yet that my marriage was official, which i was prepared to do that evening face to face, cause it's just better to that kind of thing personally, ya know? Anyhow I show up at our daughter's event and *gasp* he is there....with....wait for it, (although you probably already know) a girl...not like a girl girl, but a lady girl, like girlfriend. Holding hands and leaning on one another......and as if walking up to that wasn't a bit of - lump in your throat, punch in the gut awkward, he didn't even introduce us...... it wasn't until 25 minutes later when he left the scene (with the lady left behind to fend for herself essentially) that we broke the ice and did informal introductions( naturally she already had the heads up that I was coming and who I was, I however, was not given that courtesy). After that it was no longer awkward, but I just have this huge pit in the organ, formally know as my gut.

Now I go home and sob to my endearing husband, who looks at me as if I have lost my mind. But he doesn't understand.........it's not about my ex husband having a girlfriend, that's not it by a long shot.... in fact it's about another woman taking my spot in my daughter's life. The one who my daughter may like way more than her own mother, since I barely get to see her, cause her dad's schedule is sooooo fricken busy. The woman who is going to take day-to-day care of my daughter, when that something I WANT TO DO. A woman who is going to go bra shopping with my daughter for the first time, meet her boyfriend before i do, get to fix her hair for the prom she will attend, be there when she has bad dreams......... so am I jealous? ABSOLUTELY! but not for the reason most people think, this has NOTHING to do with being jealous about my ex husband moving on, because I think that part is awesome or ausom as we joke in our family, but the fact that my daughter is going to have the woman in my place,*sigh* well I am stomping my foot throwing a fit and be driven crazy with these awful thoughts in my head.

And here's the craziest part...i know that these thoughts are a direct derivative from the Enemy, I KNOW IT, but i cant shake em. I cant get past the whispering of my own personal demons in order to hear my Father's voice of reason and love. I feel alone and I hate it, i hate even more that my weakness is being exploited by the Enemy. I need something, some kind of peace, something............until next time........

Big Deal or No Big Deal?

WOW! I have seriously been slacking....I mean several months since my last post? I must have been busy or something.

To update you, I lost my job, which was ok because it was getting VERY questionable the whole ethics point of it anyway, and then my fiancée ( yes i am engaged , no big deal) and I started a non profit child care center. No big deal right? We house 40 children a day ages 4 weeks to 12 years old (although a majority of the children are 4 and 5 yr olds) and even had time to extend our facility for the summer to house 5-12 year old in a separate summer program licensed for an additional 40 children. Again, No big deal.

Shortly after licensing our child care center my fiancée and myself went on a vacation (which was planned well before I lost my job) to Jamaica, but everyone vacations, so no big deal. I will however have an entire blog about that vacation coming up, so hold your breath!

I have stopped going to church (GASP) because I have lost my faith in the people who call themselves Shepards, so I am struggling with that minor detail (minor....yeah right) but, really, no big deal.

My oldest daughter has hit the milestone every kid looks forward to, being a teenager. She isn't rotten yet, but I am told to give it a year and then try and say that. My youngest daughter turned 8, and although she is very smart she is still baffled how I am unable to love her father and be with him, I am sure years of therapy later in her adult life will open her eyes, because I just don't know how to break it to her.......so i am struggling with parenting skills, but every parent does, no big deal.

My ex husband has started dating, and don't get me wrong I am delighted with the fact that he has realized there is no more "us" . It just makes me slightly crazy because he tries to "one-up" me when it comes to his new girlfriend. Most people struggle with egos and stupidity, so i just have to deal with it because really it's no big deal.

I am overworked and underpaid, and I feel most often under appreciated, but most moms/wives have that feeling at some point in their day so, no big deal.

I guess what I am trying to get across is that, Yes, alot of things have happened, but really, in the entire scheme of things, they are all truly, NO BIG DEAL?

Until next time, that's all for now.....