stubborn much

You have got to be the most single handedly stubborn woman I know, and because of THIS one variable that was not already calculated into the equation...you will survive. You will persevere and probably come out unscathed... I know this because I am also that kind of woman. We tough gals gotta stick together...we have to help support those who aren't as stubborn. ok and maybe we can even learn a little bit of even-mindedness from the ladies who don't have thick skin, the ones who don't feel the need to carry the heavy world on her shoulders...maybe we can learn to relax...maybe, probably not since THIS is our nature, but maybe. here's to hoping. That is all i have for now...until next time

A letter for her....

Dear unnamed female, So many things I was correct about. I warned you about moving too fast. I gave you EVERYTHING you needed to know about the man you "fell in love" with and then married. There wasn't much else I could have done, besides none of it would have changed your mind in the end anyhow. This was a lesson that you had to learn on your own.. and I think after a little over a year you are starting to open your eyes. The haze is being lifted... I am sorry that the little girl who calls you mom is a point of contention in your marriage, I can't imagine what its like to be a step-mother. I have never had to carry that title. I would imagine it's not easy to begin with, and it's even more difficult when your husband doesn't seem to want to be a supportive partner in this role. Having a united front is essential, and from what I know he isnt capable of having unity with his spouse. It's HIS way or no way...and he often will manipulate scripture or ideas to validate his crazy theories...it's almost like you hear the things coming out of his mouth and think to yourself "did i hear that? Did he honestly just say that? No, I must have misheard because nobody is that nuts" but then you realize the next time when he says the same thing over again that you not only heard it correctly, he REALLY TRULY believes this is the way it should be.... and then you feel like banging your head against a wall.... Being a wife already has it's obstacles to overcome. You have to maintain a job, maintain a home, and try to keep your husband satisfied in all areas of life. Usually it's easier when you have a little help, but I can tell that you don't. I wish you had listened to my first warning a year ago. :( This won't get any easier, and most likely everything that is wrong with the situation will be YOUR fault. You have by now, I am sure alienated your friends, and you probably don't see your family very often either. And if you do see your family chances are they don't enjoy your husband's presence, which puts you in a bit of a spot...trust me I know all about that. You will look for any reason to have people over for that feeling of normalcy again, but it will drift out of the door as soon as company leaves. you will plead with family to accept you husband's presence just so you can have some social atmosphere that doesn't include ridicule from time to time, and they will graciously do that, because in the end that's all you have left is your family. You don't get to do many of things you and he used to do, for a multitude of reasons. You have traded in your fun for duty. You have no passion for whatever you may have wanted out of life, in fact it may even be difficult to pinpoint what it was you used to have passion about. All you know is that there are food you shouldn't eat, things you shouldn't do, people you should associate with, television you can't watch, and money you can't spend. I feel for you, i really do. I wish it could be different, but it won't be. He can change for a few days at most a week. But in the end he will ALWAYS go back to what he knows. A leopard never changes their spots..... How can you go on living this way? You can't..it's that simple. SOMETHING must change. For me it was my revelation that THIS was not how a husband is supposed to behave toward a wife. Scripture says that HE is supposed to love his wife the way Christ loves the church...meaning sacrifice for HER. I don't think he ever understood that. I realized that he wasn't going to switch gears. I could either accept that or not. If i were to accept it I would have to realize that he was probably never going to be euphorically happy with me, and I would have to know that due to that he wouldn't shower me with love, meaning I would be inhabiting a house with someone who was a glorified roommate. Or I could leave. Neither sounded appeasing to me. How could I walk away and admit defeat? (you should read some of my earlier posts on this subject) It was only when I realized that it wasn't JUST me, but my daughters as well, that I made the decision to leave. I knew that I couldn't have my daughters growing up seeing and thinking that THIS was the way a husband was supposed to treat them...I wanted more for them. But that being said you aren't in the same situation... i get that. .. I guess what I am saying is this....don't alienate any more of your friends, you will need them sooner than you think... and never turn your back on your family, they can carry you through anything! Also on last tidbit, I am not, contrary to what you've been told, the enemy. While I would'nt call us friends, I would say we are kindred spirits.... and maybe someday we can look back atthis moment and smile....maybe. Chin up, and stand firm. For what it's worth I have been there and I know what you're going through, and No, you're not crazy or insignificant. I promise. That's all for now......until next time P.S. If you do NOTHING else, at least take back control of yourself. Being miserable is a choice, and feeling crushed and beaten down is not something ANYONE wants to feel...sometimes you just need to have a little control back and things will adjust....with that being said, GOOD LUCK. We will chat more later

One more time...

Saturday... Coffee almost gone, I am on my 2nd cup Dogs (yes as in plural, as in I have been converted to a dog person, and I like it) are resting peacefully at my feet, no need for slippers Husband, still slumbering, I have to say I am not even jealous about his sleeping in today Daughters, both are awesome. Oldest is on the high school varsity hockey team, which crushed their opponent last night. Youngest is a book devourer like her mom, and she's only in 4th grade, so watch out libraries! Both are beautiful and becoming quite the little ladies. This mom is proud! Pygmie business is weathering along. Some days are up and some are down, but hey nothing is predictable in the pygmie business! Over all life is just chuggin away. Sure- there are days when I want to climb on my roof top and scream at the top of my lungs out of pure frustration or exhaustion (the 2 seem so closely related these days) and sure there are people in my path of life who I just want to punch in the face, but I refrain because I am adult enough to have some self-control. And sure there are days when I feel like a failure at life, usually these quickly follow the days where I just want to climb on the roof... But I bounce back and keep on keeping on.... because that's what adults do, we pull up our bootstraps and just keep going. You don't have to think about how many more times you will have to get up after being knocked down....all you have to concern yourself with is getting up ONE MORE TIME. That's me, and today is my ONE MORE TIME in a string of many more I am sure.... That's all for now, until next time.......