A little slice of my Heaven............

Early morning cups of coffee while I spend time with my Creator......AMAZING

Praying over my daughters and their futures as they sleep peacefully...FULFILLING

Looking at my dear husband, and admiring him from afar, when he doesn't notice.....INSPIRING

Walks outside with my daughters hand in mine while we discuss the finer things in life, such as how many flowers she can name.........ASTONISHING

Enjoying a black cow ice cream drink with two of the world's greatest daughters, while soaking up some sunshine......REFRESHING

Listening to loads of giggles come from my daughters' bedroom as they hang out together.....RELAXING

Knowing that, without a doubt, God has brought me to where I need to be, and that everyday can be as wonderful as this one.........OUTSTANDING!

Until next time.....................................................

the game of LIFE

Today is a Friday... a really great Friday.

I have half of the day off to hang with my favorite girlies, who have decided to go and play dress up like sisters do. I came home and logged on to the infamous FaceBook, to see the goings on of others in my circle of friends, nothing really happening.....

I have come full circle too, THANK GOD! I am so Blessed that this new lady is in my youngest daughter's life-----Pause here for the eye rolling and the look of --IS SHE KIDDING?---yep, true story. This new outlook didn't come from me, really. I had ALOT of prayer happening and spoke with a select few people that I can trust their opinions are subjective. After having my own little pity party, and then deciding enough was enough, I pulled up my big girl pants. I have realized that my youngest daughter NEEDS all of these amazing people in her life, to love and support her. It will be totally ok!

Stop shaking your head at me, It's a bit strange I will admit, but I think I am onto something? Think about....everyone of us is WHO we are right now because of experiences in our lives and people we have in our life...... so really the more people the better..... yup, that's what I am sticking with........until next time

Bless you!

Who am I?

I am a mother of two most beautiful daughters.. one has a soul that speaks to other people's hearts, and the other has a soul that speaks to nature...both are gifted, each one different...I am Blessed

I am a wife to an amazing man..he is patient with me, and loves me even when I am broken...he prays for me everyday and we will grow old together loving each other's company...I am Blessed

I am a God-fearing woman...I pray for all of my family and friends, and I recognize when the Enemy tries to dissuade me and my family...I love each of my friends and family...I am Blessed

I am a seed planter..I can't garden, but I can most certainly plant seeds of Christ's salvation in young children that I teach everyday...God has trusted me for this task...I am Blessed

I am a teacher..I plan and implement lessons through play and experiences to ready the young generation to be successful adults later in life...I relish every experience..I am Blessed

I am a threat to my Enemy..I spend a great amount of time in the Word, and can use this Sword to keep my Enemy at bay.. I stand the front lines with my friends... we all "got each other's backs"...I am Blessed

I am a student..I learn everyday something new..whether by experience or by the book...I don't always immediately implement a lesson learned, but over time I think God finally gets His point across..I am Blessed

I am a housekeeper..not the BEST housekeeper, but I maintain a home. My House is free of clutter, and I am pretty descent on keeping up on laundry(mostly) Dirty dishes aren't left in my kitchen sink, and soap scum isn't overtaking my bathroom...i do get some help with these tasks, I'll admit...but still..I am Blessed

I am a chef..not a gourmet chef, but i can whip up a thrifty little meal, more often than not. I have been known to serve cold cereal for dinner, but hasn't everyone? God has trusted me to raise a family..I am Blessed.

I am a daughter..Not the world's greatest daughter, and often times I forget to call my parents. But when push comes to shove, I love all of my parents, even if I forget to remind them.. I am Blessed.

I am a sister..an older sister to some and younger sister to others. We have had our ups and downs, but blood is ALWAYS thicker than water..I am Blessed.

I am a sister-in-law..I have married one of 5 boys, and with that comes a variety of brothers and sisters. I love each one for different reasons. The way I think of it, the "in-law" is just a technical term for family..I am Blessed.

I am a fighter..I will stand up and fight for all of my friends and family. I will stand the front lines and be right there next to you in the trenches. I may be small, but I am scrappy. I am a force to be reckoned with..I am Blessed.

I am a writer..I have written letters and reports, I have written this blog (albeit not the work of a top selling novelist) but a mostly coherent rambling at any rate...I am Blessed.

I am a book devour-er..I can chew through a wonderfully woven novel within days. I love the smell of books and the feel of their pages in my fingertips. I grew up with a private library larger than most town libraries in my Grandfather's home, and I have a rush of nostalgia when i can catch the whiff of a well-worn older novel..I am Blessed.

I am wealthy..I don't have a huge disposable income. But my wealth comes from my family and friends who enrich my being with their humor, seriousness, laughter, and tears. God has trusted me with a family to raise and friends to inspire. He has gifted me with an outgoing energetic personality and a soul that reaches most peoples' hearts.

I am BLESSED......and even though there are days when I find it tough to admit just how Blessed I am, God always remains patient until I re-grasp the absolute Truth.....Until next time......

who?, me?

When someone "passes" away the eulogies that are spoken at the funeral are usually ones that celebrate that person's life...the DASH between the year of birth and year of "passing" Now I know this sounds morbid, but I have seriously been reflecting on what someone would say about my dash......

Would someone remember me as so-and-so's Mom? So-and-so's wife? or So-and-so who founded this business? Or would they remember what I had done over the course of my life, perhaps some accomplishments? Would they recall all of the silly things I may have done? Or what?

I have been thinking about WHO I AM... and quite frankly...i have no idea!

I feel like I have nothing real to offer. I am not one of those homemakers...the ones who can make all of the personal items in a home, one who's house is stocked full of homemade jams and jellies, canned veggies, homemade soaps, and stuff like that.

I used to think I was a bit crafty, but I don"t believe I had a gift for it, I believe I was just like any other average person putting things together. In fact I bet if you tried to "craft" some of the things I have done over the course of time, you would find that they are things anyone can do.

I am not a gardening fool, flowers, veggies or any other variety. I mean I guess if i absolutely had to be, out of necessity, I COULD do it, but...

I am not exceptional at my choice of career. I am average, and again, I think that anyone could do it.. sometimes I even wonder if I am capable of pulling off another day.

I am not a supermom like some of the women I know. You know the ones who get all of the laundry done and put away, keep their homes immaculately clean, homemade dinners every evening, make it to every practice and every game, take a load of pictures to commemorate each moment, help with homework and create and mold a successful mind, and still have time for a coffee clutch with the girlfriends. I am not that kind of mom. I struggle to get a hot meal on the table before 7:30 pm, I struggle to keep up with laundry, I struggle to make it to every game due to schedule conflicts, I struggle to even have girlfriends, let alone coffee clutches with them.

So I guess my dash would consist of .....well, she at least existed. That's about it currently.... Geez I need to fix this, I seriously need to reflect and figure out something. ... until next time..............

DELIGHTFUL!

This is a day that I will delight in the little things.... "great are the works of the Lord; they are pondered by all who delight in them" So I guess God is in the details, my friends. This is just a few small things I can delight in:

fresh cut grass smell...especially when my teenager is the one who cut the grass

a smile from my best friend...since he is smiling at me while i dance around like a silly child

a phone call...from my youngest daughter whom I love more than there are stars in the sky

laughter from a pygmie...when I am playing peek-a-boo

chocolate...come on, that's a no-brainer

sunshine......i love basking in God's glory of a sunny day

kindle....unlimited amounts of books available for me to read? ROCK ON! :o)

gas in my car.....my best friend always makes sure I have gas (which i never have to pump myself)

a free carwash...... so i can sit in the auto wash and ponder life's questions for 6 minutes :o)

the smell of coffee....just makes me smile!

hugs.....in any form, usually from anyone...it helps me stay focused on whats important...people

worship songs....I love singing my heart out to my Savior

Loud music with a great beat....puts a smile on my face and cleanses my soul

sand in a sandbox...cool sand between my toes while the pygmies play...

my precious daughters.... I have the best 2 girls ever, I am so very blessed!

I guess I would have to say that even when I am having awful days, which happens to everyone, I MUST delight in the small things, because otherwise, what do you have? Life's too short not to realize how blessed I am. From now on, I will delight in the small things....and LOVE EVERY MINUTE OF IT! until next time...................................

Good Grief!

I have decided that my hormones are running the show lately, and quite honestly, I am NOT OK with it AT ALL! I hate crying, hate it hate it hate it! I hate it even more when someone else sees me cry......and today I think EVERYONE i came into contact with has witnessed my ridiculous tears. Yep, I suck today at keeping my feelings in a jar beside my bed... BAH! Darn you female hormones!

I have also come to conclude that there are many things i CAN grieve for, it's ok to grieve, in fact I think most people would say it's part of everyday normal life. Me, on the other hand, I just don't grieve...too many emotions involved, and we all know that I hate showing emotions. I try to fool everyone (including myself) into believing that my feelings are tucked safely away, but quite honestly, I am not able to keep my emotions from slipping out onto my sleeve. DARN!

Anyhow I had a wonderful friend of mine who battled cancer for 13 years ( a 5x survivor one might say) and she finally was able to go in peace to rest with our Savior. This grieves me.... I am sad and I wept. I also have reached a MAJOR milestone in my life with previous relationships. My first marriage, although it wasn't all pies in the sky and love in our eyes, has most certainly come to a close...like FINAL, like DONE, like dead. And while it is true that I am remarried and I have moved on, I guess I didn't really grieve the loss initially. But now that He has found someone else, I grieve. It's not the loss of him, per say, but the loss of a chapter in my life. Until he moved on I didn't really feel the need to grieve, it's crazy i must admit.

So here I sit feeling grief, and not really sure how to handle it, because I have never really had to grieve, sounds a bit pompous right? Well I am sorry, but it's the truth. Maybe other things in my life were not what I deemed necessary to grieve? Or maybe I, until recently, wasn't sensitive or maybe i was selfish? Who knows? I just know that God is most certainly working on me.

I am working on humility, and grace. I am working on unconditional love, and forgiveness. I am working on me. While grief is somewhere in between complete sorrow and absolute healing, I can't wait until I can look back at this chapter in my life and smile with no regrets, and just move forward... until next time.......................................

Crazy?! Most certainly!

Well Hello!

*sigh* It's been one heck of a week my friends, for sure! Last weekend I was on top of the world, flying high on life, and then well Monday (you guys read it) I was ready to crawl into a pit and just die a slow miserable death...what? that's not healthy?

Now I am back to feeling better, I still have reservations on some of life's moves, but for the most part my heart is at peace. What changed?

Well well well, I am so glad you asked. :) I decided I was gonna go big or go home (as is a common phrase in my household) I decided to give it my all and leave the results to God, and I must admit....He is taking things down a path I never would have ventured on my own, but it's most certainly interesting.

I made it a point to make contact with the new woman in my daughter's life...*GASP* i know what you're thinking and quite frankly I believe you're wrong. I didn't do it out of malice or even to try and stay involved like a wedge in the ex's life...nope i did it for my daughter...really. I figured that if this woman who is going to be part of my daughter's life I should try and make an alliance with her? A GENUINE ONE, not one of those smile to your face and grit your teeth while chewing off your tongue kinda things, NO, I wanted to go big or I was going home. I want a genuine cooperative relationship with this woman....call me crazy.

So i went about it the non-intrusive way...i emailed her (after I found her on facebook) ----- let's pause here for a quick break in thought... Facebook has become quite the little resource for people, i mean come on, I didnt even know this girl's lastname, and I found her. It was just a matter of cross checking some friends that my ex and i share and going from there. Pretty simple even, and I could email her without having to friend request her, so it worked for me---- Anyhow I was just totally brutally honest with her, and she responded with respect and genuine compassion. I must say i am kinda diggin her! Now, however, I bet (since I know my ex pretty good) that he is not exactly comfortable with it, so I bet, that even though I have given her no reason to not like me (cause let's face it I AM pretty likeable) she has reservations about whether or not to trust me, or worse yet, like me. I am good with it, though.

I am just going to keep our communication open between the two of us, and hopefully we can establish something that resembles a cooperative parenting relationship...again call me crazy, but i call it a bit of optimism. I should also add that since I have communicated with her a handful of times already, my heart is totally at peace with her our daughter's life. She is going to be someone who will make sure our little girl has braids in her hair for school, has holiday decorations in her home, can have someone to consult with on her attire for the day, and hey, maybe even paint her tootsies. I would have to say that I know this woman will never take my place as Mom, she's going to make one heck of a impact on our daughter, as far as being a woman in her life, goes. And maybe someday when our daughter calls her mom too, I can call her a friend...sounds all gushy doesn't it? Yep, sure does, and I am glad that's the course I am on, instead of the feeling sorry for myself , crawl into hole, path I was on earlier this week. God is good, my friends, God is good! Until next time.........

Jealous?! You bet your butt I am......

Today I am struggling, today I seem like an utter and total failure at the game of LIFE, I know it's the Enemy hittin me hard, and i will prevail, but i just cant seem to get my footing! UGH!

I would have to say it all started when I had a moment of awkwardness, and from that very moment on, I have had a block that I cant seem to hear my FATHER'S voice lately. It's maddening!

The moment happened the other night when I went for a routine watch of my youngest daughter's adventure sport...Now I left my husband behind because I knew my ex husband would be there and it would in fact be awkward, and I hadn't told him yet that my marriage was official, which i was prepared to do that evening face to face, cause it's just better to that kind of thing personally, ya know? Anyhow I show up at our daughter's event and *gasp* he is there....with....wait for it, (although you probably already know) a girl...not like a girl girl, but a lady girl, like girlfriend. Holding hands and leaning on one another......and as if walking up to that wasn't a bit of - lump in your throat, punch in the gut awkward, he didn't even introduce us...... it wasn't until 25 minutes later when he left the scene (with the lady left behind to fend for herself essentially) that we broke the ice and did informal introductions( naturally she already had the heads up that I was coming and who I was, I however, was not given that courtesy). After that it was no longer awkward, but I just have this huge pit in the organ, formally know as my gut.

Now I go home and sob to my endearing husband, who looks at me as if I have lost my mind. But he doesn't understand.........it's not about my ex husband having a girlfriend, that's not it by a long shot.... in fact it's about another woman taking my spot in my daughter's life. The one who my daughter may like way more than her own mother, since I barely get to see her, cause her dad's schedule is sooooo fricken busy. The woman who is going to take day-to-day care of my daughter, when that something I WANT TO DO. A woman who is going to go bra shopping with my daughter for the first time, meet her boyfriend before i do, get to fix her hair for the prom she will attend, be there when she has bad dreams......... so am I jealous? ABSOLUTELY! but not for the reason most people think, this has NOTHING to do with being jealous about my ex husband moving on, because I think that part is awesome or ausom as we joke in our family, but the fact that my daughter is going to have the woman in my place,*sigh* well I am stomping my foot throwing a fit and be driven crazy with these awful thoughts in my head.

And here's the craziest part...i know that these thoughts are a direct derivative from the Enemy, I KNOW IT, but i cant shake em. I cant get past the whispering of my own personal demons in order to hear my Father's voice of reason and love. I feel alone and I hate it, i hate even more that my weakness is being exploited by the Enemy. I need something, some kind of peace, something............until next time........