You look like you swallowed a baseball....

So, i had a tooth extracted the other day--- it wasn't REALLY a whole tooth, actually- it was half a tooth, since the damn thing cracked. At any rate, had it removed--since it was causing some ridiculous pain and honestly, there's nothing worse than mouth pain. Anyhow, removed--evicted it, I did.... then I went off to work. Because why not. Felt fine that night, even felt fine the following day--- THEN...it happened. My face was a little swollen and it was sore--- I just figured that it due in large part to the fact that the poor dentist had to jump on my chair and use it as leverage to get the damn tooth out--thus making my jaw a little more sore than needed. Whatever--took some serious Advil and went to sleep--- only to wake up the next day to a swollen shut eye, huge fat lip, and a cheek that looked like i stuffed a baseball inside my mouth--- Had I gotten into a boxing match with the famous Rocky Balboa? Had i participated in a fight club we don't dare talk about? What on earth happened! oh and the PAIN--- the amount of pain---- what the hell? I scheduled a visit with my Dr. and she looked and examined--- turns out that I had what they call a dry socket-- WHAT?! How on earth? Sigh-- ok, so now how do we fix it? cause DAMN. Antibiotics and a minor pain reliever ... needless to say I was laid up in bed with a face that looks like something out of a science fiction movie and can't eat anything--since my mouth wont really open--- so I did what anyone in my situation would do... I drank a few shots of whiskey--to numb the pain. It worked--sort of..... Fast forward to today-- and I woke up to the same hideous face I saw yesterday--- ugh. Day two of the hostage situation... maybe tomorrow my face will decrease in size and I will be able to actually eat some substance...until then I will just sulk around the house, since going out in public like this is not even kinda an option....

So many things happen over the course of time, I often am thinking of what I could write again, but then Life takes over and here I sit with 13 drafts that will probably never be published. .. well until today HA! Over the course of this past year I have grown into a whole different person. I have changed physically and mentally. I underwent gastric bypass (which has an unpublished entry in this log) and lost 105 pounds--- I lost a person who weighs the same as my youngest sister---maybe we will find that person's picture on a milk carton...speaking of which, do they even do that anymore? I have also developed an amazing level of confidence-- this probably stems from my weight loss...but hey, whatever- I still have it, and frankly I fucking love it. I have had 2 of my children move out into the adult world, since the last time we talked... and with that I decided to bring in 3 more Littles--- ages 10, 3, and 2 years old. What was I thinking? I have no way to describe it other than I needed to stand in the gap for these kids, because nobody else was. They come from a broken, addictive home, and needed some serious love and guidance. So here I start all over with potty training (something I haven't done in 14 years...) Here I start with teaching them to say please and thank you, use a fork, pick up after they are done playing, be nice to the furkids etc. I have started over. My oldest daughter is having a baby-- which means I will be raising Littles while I am also a Grandma (or Noninna--small grandma in Italian) I have discovered that my best friend and partner in crime has wandering eyes-- which is never a good thing. Unfortunately my discovery blind sided me to the point of no return.. Trust has been shattered and I don't think I can recover-- so here I sit married to a man I cannot trust, but cannot leave, since my Littles can only be in a 2 parent home--- great right.....? not exactly my thoughts of a dream life--- but like Grandfather always said--- you gotta take the bad with the good--- so there's that

So, Since I haven't been here in like FOREVER, so much has happened. The latest and greatest development is the choice I have made to become a healthier me. I have been going through 8 months of Nutritional Training in preparation for Gastric Bypass surgery. Now, I am barely over the required BMI for the procedure... in fact, I just squeaked in a mere .2 (yes point 2) to meet the required 40 BMI. In fact, this little number is the very thing that almost got me kicked out of what i like to call "fat kid camp" It was last month (after I had completed all required consecutive appointments) -- pause-- you MUST meet with Dr every month, attend support group meetings, have a psych evaluation, and make those meetings EVERY month, if you miss ONE, then you begin the process from the beginning--- anyhow, last month I received a notice that I no longer met the requirement for the surgery-- WTH! The reason? Because I had no other health conditions --diabetes, high cholesterol, acid re-flux, sleep apnea, high blood pressure-- and i was just under the required BMI. So in my head, they just kicked me out of fat kid camp for being too healthy and not fat enough? Um excuse me?!?! Clearly the infamous "they" had never tried on any of my clothes and looked in the mirror-- I mean I was PLENTY fat. trust me, this I know. I, of course, did what any other woman would do... I got angry and then I sobbed, and sobbed. Thinking seriously?!?! How is THIS even an issue? I am trying to be healthier. Some people will argue that the surgery is the easy way out-- well they would be misinformed. This is a huge friicken life changing event-- EVERYTHING changes-- you have to be accountable for the program, then post op (if you even make the cut) After I have this procedure, i will NEVER be able to eat sugars, bread, carbonated beverages... and i may not be able to ever have beef, or pork...who knows yet. I have tried so many things to help with my weight issue...diets, personal trainer workouts, high protein diets, paleo diets... my god soooo many changes-- and you know how much my grand total weight loss was? 24# Top--- that's it... after 9 months of personal trainer workouts and dieting.... a whopping 24#. are you serious? UGH ..talk about a blow to my fat kid ego... it was at THAT point when I decided to add another tool to my toolbox. So I began to go through the Gastric Bypass procedure. I am no stranger to it, my husband went through it a few years ago-- he did excellent, until he stopped following the lifestyle rules...but that's a another blog entirely :) So I am nearing the actual date of my surgery and I am beyond excited! I am excited for another amazing tool in my tool box. I am excited to participate in 5ks, and without looking like a walrus in a leotard. i am excited to buy clothes that will actually look cute on me and not just on the mannequin.

I have had it with most people around me! time to not only wittle my FB list of friends, but the actual ones around me..... I must admit that there are a few women in my circle that make me CRAZY by the end of the week, and I think its due to me allowing them to get under my skin! Well NO MORE! I am not dealing with these women on ANY level...not in my personal life or in my professional one. I am done allowing them to not be accountable for their words and actions. I was given a voice to speak against those who cant get their facts in order. I was given a strong will to be able to stand my ground. I have decided that as long as i am ONLY defending the truth of any situation, I have no reason to falter or be afraid of offending anyone. I am tired of being your doormat and scapegoat for any issue you have... If you don't have the nerve to stand in front of me and look me in the face to say half of the garbage that comes out of your mouth, then how about you just shut your mouth? Bottom line they are YOUR issues, You can take your issues to the printing press and stay there. Until next time, we are done here......