I have also come to conclude that there are many things i CAN grieve for, it's ok to grieve, in fact I think most people would say it's part of everyday normal life. Me, on the other hand, I just don't grieve...too many emotions involved, and we all know that I hate showing emotions. I try to fool everyone (including myself) into believing that my feelings are tucked safely away, but quite honestly, I am not able to keep my emotions from slipping out onto my sleeve. DARN!
Anyhow I had a wonderful friend of mine who battled cancer for 13 years ( a 5x survivor one might say) and she finally was able to go in peace to rest with our Savior. This grieves me.... I am sad and I wept. I also have reached a MAJOR milestone in my life with previous relationships. My first marriage, although it wasn't all pies in the sky and love in our eyes, has most certainly come to a close...like FINAL, like DONE, like dead. And while it is true that I am remarried and I have moved on, I guess I didn't really grieve the loss initially. But now that He has found someone else, I grieve. It's not the loss of him, per say, but the loss of a chapter in my life. Until he moved on I didn't really feel the need to grieve, it's crazy i must admit.
So here I sit feeling grief, and not really sure how to handle it, because I have never really had to grieve, sounds a bit pompous right? Well I am sorry, but it's the truth. Maybe other things in my life were not what I deemed necessary to grieve? Or maybe I, until recently, wasn't sensitive or maybe i was selfish? Who knows? I just know that God is most certainly working on me.
I am working on humility, and grace. I am working on unconditional love, and forgiveness. I am working on me. While grief is somewhere in between complete sorrow and absolute healing, I can't wait until I can look back at this chapter in my life and smile with no regrets, and just move forward... until next time.......................................
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