Fresh and New...well sorta

So I have made the decision to start a blog, only time will tell if it's really worth it or not, for any of us involved. At any rate I made this decision after a few very big life changing events have occurred. First I filed for the big "D", and second I have moved into a new place. So these two things have left me feeling overwhelmed and looking for some order in my life. Generally when I am overwhelmed I talk alot, but i don't want to ,then in turn, overwhelm anyone who crosses my path, so perhaps writing it down will help....Ha! That's where you got sucked into my whole plan.

Let us first discuss my decision to move into a new place....believe it or not the filing for "d" had little to do with this particular move. I have been separated from him for over a year and had been living in a brand new, and I mean never before lived in by anyone else new, apartment. It was great! Fully loaded! I mean it was new and had all of the awesomeness that comes with being new....only one problem, okay like a dozen problems. First of all if anything became "worn" or gently used after me being there, i was the one who would pay for it....BAH! Next was the fact that they were built soooooo cheap that when my upstairs neighbor was peeing in his bathroom it sounded like he was peeing in mine! No insulation for soundproofing. Which by the way also was less than great when my young lover neighbors decided to make their evenings full of "show me how you love me" marathons! Then there was the fact that my upstairs neighbor, along with half of the rest of the tenants, had dogs! Now ordinarily I am ok with dogs, except that most of these dog owners did not follow the rules! They just let their dogs go to the bathroom pretty much wherever and so I had to constantly be on the look out for the steaming bomb. Now where i am from it snows ALOT and generally the snow covers up these acts of irresponsibility, but now we have been warming up and the snow has melted leaving all of the wonderful little piles of dog DNA! Plus there was the simple fact that the rent was really high! So my decision to move was based on the fact that my lease was up and I needed more money in my pocket ( a cheaper place to rent) and more privacy.....perhaps my own house or in the very least only one neighbor. So I found a duplex which was built probably just after Noah and the flood, which means this baby is virtually soundproof, and it was a ton less per month. I decided it was time.....so I packed all of the crap that one accumulates over a year and have been moving for 3 days. See that's how you have to do it when you work 10 hour days and are moving all the crap by yourself! But on the upside I have moved about 90% of my stuff and fit it into a house about half the size...without too much trouble. Ok I will be honest it has been a royal pain in my butt...who the heck keeps all of this stuff anyway? I have throuwn out more stuff than I have moved and i still have alot of crap! I am thinking of it as the ultimate Spring cleaning adventure!

Now onto my second decision, filing for the big "D". I know, I know, I had been separated from him for over a year so really, what's the big deal? Well, here's the deal. Nobody enjoys admitting they are a failure at anything, unless they suffer from craziness or even depression perhaps. Now being separated for a year was like no big deal, really. But when i had to walk into the local courthouse (which by the way I knew over half of the people in there, not including any inmates HA) and place the papers on the counter, you know the ones that state in black and white, that I suck and I failed at my marriage, I felt overwhelmed! Forget all of society saying that everyone is divorced, or a vast majority are, forget the statistics about today's divorce rate, this wasn't about everyone else and their issues. This was about the fact that whether or not he was faithful or loving, or whatever his short comings were, I sucked at holding it together! Now I am not one of those people who blames the other one for all of the problems, because Lord know I have plenty of my short comings and iniquities, which also contributed to this colossal failure. The fact that I couldn't keep it together for sake of the kids, or that fact that I do in fact feel like the whole thing was my fault, is pretty much crazy, and I KNOW THAT, but still......he wasn't the one who had to go into the courthouse and lay the black and white evidence on the counter stating that he sucked! Nope if I had left that one duty to him I would still be waiting......so I swallowed my pride ( for like 15 minutes) and admitted failure.

Now I am in the beginning proceedings of the big "D" and I have more papers to trudge through. I guess this is another one of those things where only time will tell......

In the meantime, I am going to blog about my days as a hard working ( which can be a whole other blog) single mom who needs to blow off some steam some days.....until next time.....