Dream on!

This post was actually written in Early 2017, but I figured I'd include it anyhow.... fuck this! I am tired... not only physically exhausted but fucking tired. I am beyond tired actually--- I am tired of the loss of trust, the loss of love, the loss of my whole "second damn life" I thought I had it all--- love, financial stability, amazing partner in life-- only to realize months ago that I was seriously delusional. I can't even begin to tell everyone how much of a fucking joke this damn "dream " was. Not only did my life partner and best friend betray me.. he did it so many times I can't even keep track--- all the while essentially excusing his behavior for something else?~?!?!? What the actual fuck dude? My finances are in just as much of a disarray as my marriage-- i thought our shit was paid-- only to find out....nope.. that is a whole other entry--- not one for my brain this evening O have made a great friend since this whole shit happened-- unfortunately for me, He lives in Turkey-- as in the country not the poultry-- and he has returned home.. UGH! what a a crock! I miss him soo much! We had so many evenings of shenanigans and I loved every second of being with him--- mostly because he was honest-- but also because he gave me a new fresh perspective on life. Truth.. you want truth right now, why the hell not... I want out. I want out of this misery..but I am stuck like gum to the bottom of a desk from last September.. i am stuck. I cant leave because I am not giving up on the Littles because my best friend/partner fucked up and decided he wasn't in this for the long haul.. Why should THEY suffer... isn't it enough that I do ( spoken like a true Martyr) Sigh. I digress... i am just at a loss today folks... I am ... normally I try and be more positive than this, but alas, I cannot at this point..l might have something to do wit the whiskey or not.... one cant really tell i guess-- especially since this is a blog and my tone and animated gestures are lacking... or are they? another time perhaps.