Anyhow I had to take this class, and pay another fee, so that's what i did today. Now going into this thing I was so nervous, because I never know what to expect with these mandatory classes the state throws at you. It started with 8 of us sitting in a circle...much like a fricken support group. Each of us had our handouts, which were available on-line, I might add, and the "instructor" went over these handouts. Ok, let me first pause here to tell you what I had observed about this "instructor" First of all she was heavier, but that's ok, purely an observation. Her nails were short and painted, albeit a strange array of color and design, still just an observation. She was wearing Lia Sophia earrings and necklace. She had on all black, but brown socks and shoes...a little weird, but still just an observation. She was older, I would guess mid 50s and was going gray. Now what really struck me was that she wore no wedding ring, which meant she had not currently been married. But after the class progressed she informed us that she had been divorced for a little over 10 years and she had raised two children through this divorce of hers, and had since adopted her grandson, and had another child who was 10 from a previous relationship. It kind of made me wonder what her qualifications for such a class was, but......I figured she was the instructor, so I would just sit and listen.
So we start, we each had to go around the room and introduce ourselves, and Oh heavens! There was only two men in this group, and the other women were complete MAN-HATERS! It was awful the things these women used to justify they're situations......One woman, who didn't want the divorce, actually admitted to falling in love with another man at work and was sad that her husband just couldn't deal with the fact that she loved this other man...I mean she even went further to say that it wasn't like she was ever going to act on those feelings for this man, she just fell in love with him and was being COMPLETELY honest about it, well....then sweetheart, in THAT case why on earth would your husband NOT stay? OH COME ON!!!! Then there was a woman who, I believe, had substantial reason to leave her husband, He abused her physically, verbally, and was a raging alcoholic, who was currently serving jail time for domestic abuse......so I could understand her resentment, I guess. Then there was one woman who, actually told us her ENTIRE life story for crying out loud! She had tried to leave her husband two years ago and he threatened that he was going to kill himself, blah blah blah, and so she took him back hoping that it would be different, but it wasn't, yada yada yada, and so she asked her children what they should do, and naturally, since children wonderful problem solvers, and amazing counselors, when they are 13 and 8 years old, they decided to allow mom to get a divorce. I couldn't believe what I was hearing!
I mean, yeah I know everyone has issues, I get that, but it can't be the other person's fault COMPLETELY! It was supposed to be a team effort? the TWO of you entered into this marriage, and while one may have been at bigger fault or not, it took two of you to exit.....TWO! My situation is NO different....i could have been a better wife, and I failed, I made daily mistakes, some bigger than others. Yes, He did as well, it, I think, its all about how much one person can handle, which stems off what each of your expectations are. If you start off in a marriage with different expectations, there are bound to be problems...and while no relationship is perfect, how you handle these problems will determine your character as a person and the health of your marriage. I have to admit that my marriage was not even close to be what I expected it to be, but we couldn't get a handle on how to cope with the short comings or mistakes from the other individual. So we both played the blame game, and we both did things that we knew would disappoint the other....it was a colossal failure on both of our parts. So we both sat through this class and kept quiet while the others in the group went on about their spouse's ridiculousness. I have to admit, I found myself wondering what on earth he was thinking......I mean I know there were numerous times when I wanted to speak up, but keep to myself. I guess I can see why people have issues with relationships, I mean we just carry our "baggage" and ideas of how wronged we have been around to our next relationship.....It's this crazy cycle! It's amazing we can function at all!
I Do know that, for me, this has been a learning experience, a stepping stone that I hope I can use to better any relationships I have in my future. To start, I guess I can "check all baggage at the door" Now I just have to implement it............until next time.
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