Let's play a game....ball and chain?

ok ok so yesterday was a pretty average day, by my standards anyhow, I mean i got up early and did my morning routine, WAY before most of you even think about rolling out of bed. I went to work, and had a pretty good day, considering I hang with pygmies, who can be very unstable and unpredictable, and did I mention I also work with a bunch of women, who could also fall into the same category as the pygmies, only the women can come with a side of a nasty attitude as well. I came home and my best friend was recording his weekly podcast with his friend, a media mogul, also which is not out of the ordinary, except that they normally do it on Monday night, but eh, it still worked out. I made some delicious french bread pizza for dinner...YUM. Did a load of laundry and started to put away the clean dishes in the dishwasher. Now up until this point in my day I was having a very normal, some would even say boring, day. These are things I do pretty much all of the time.

That is, until, My Best friend came out with a brown box, not very large, but bigger than, lets say it was about the size of a box of pasta. He was grinning ear to ear when he told me that he got me something, as he handed me the pasta box.... naturally I was intrigued. As I was opening it, he told me I wasnt going to have that book smell anymore....leading me to think I was opening a Kindle...(which I totally want someday) as I opened it I saw a smaller box, navy blue in the center....My heart stopped, and I opened the box where i found the most beautiful, simplest, solitare diamond ring I had ever seen. I was in shock! ( i mean not COMPLETE shock because its not like we had never talked about getting married) I have been with this man for a little less than 2 years and he has been my Best Friend, he has helped me through so much crap, and here he was asking me to stand by his side for the rest of our lives! I naturally told him that I would think about it....................................................ok ok I told him right away YES! -----now let's just pause there for a moment, I know that some of you are thinking, wait, didn't she JUST get divorced, and yes, you would be correct. However, I have been separated (and by separated I mean not living together at all) from my ,now ex-husband, for a little more than two years. The divorce just took FOREVER!!! (clearly)

So after the excitement, he looked at me and said, how are we going to tell our families......*sigh* holy cow I hadnt thought of that!

So we (and when I say we, I really mean me mostly) decided to go public the following day. Because, here's the deal, I know A LOT of people and when I tell , even one, it will pretty much make the news at 5. No joke, I live in a smaller town and when you know everyone, well...you can imagine. So my best friend, who is now my fiancé, had to first tell his mom, before I told anyone because we wanted her to hear it from us, not everyone else.

And it went a little somethin like this... "mom I asked her to marry me and she said yes!" her response...."oh" nothing else just oh. I foresee some more "proving" of myself in the future. *SIGH*

We told all of his brothers, who were very excited, as were their wives. I told some of my friends, ok ok like all of my friends. Now the one question that EVERYONE (with the exception of my soon to mother-in-law, who is a woman of few words, I have decided) kept asking was... When's the big day? Holy cow, guys! I mean the man just asked me for heaven's sake, let's not get to far ahead of ourselves.........

At any rate I know that he is my bestest friend ever and I am so blessed that he asked me to be his wife.....now I hope I can live up to his expectations.........until next time.........

Bad case of the Mondays....

Yesterday I had a bad case of the Mondays.......It seemed like anything that could go wrong, went wrong....

I woke up and was not bringing my "A" game to the pygmie tribe, which they totally "smelled" as soon as I arrived at the post. So they almost overran me in the first five minutes. It was like everyone of them was trying to out naughty the others. NEVER underestimate the naughtiness of pygmies! I felt like I had stepped into the monkey exhibit at one of the zoos, complete with the flinging of the poo...no fricken joke! So the morning was a darn train wreck, as far as I was concerned...and just when I thought nothing worse could happen, well, it did. Because the State Licensor walked in..........now, step back for a moment, this lady stops in frequently enought that I kinda know when to expect her, so it wasn't a COMPLETE surprise, just not the ideal day for her to come in....I was ready for her (or so I thought).

So I called in some fresh recruits to man my post, so I could go "negotiate' with the wicked witch of the East. We got up to my office and she started in in the brow beating....I had everything prepared but missed one thing, and she made up a few others that I had "missed" although looking back on it, I felt like she interrogating me, instead of being helpful (like she is supposed to be) NOTHING I did was good enough and how dare I even think that I would come close to meeting her expectations! (this is how I felt) and that's when it happened...she made me cry....now for those of you who know me, I NEVER cry in front of people...or at least I try not to, because alothough some of you may think it's ok to cry, I think of it as a sign of weakness.....lame I know, but it's one of the crazier things I think. So here I was crying in front of this Wicked Witch....because she was SURE there was no possible way I was working as many hours as I had written down on these papers they require us to do. I will admit it seems outlandish when I say that I work 60 hours weekly, but really, I almost live at the pygmie post. If she wanted to confirm it, she could ask any one of of my friends, or my daughetr for that matter, since she is with me most of the day there as well. After the Witch made me cry, she left, I am sure she was licking her lips with absolute satisfaction because she beat someone down. *sigh*

After the Witch left I prayed, because that's what I do, and I felt a little better. I went back into the land of the pygmies and just went with the flow. I had to talk to Schlub, because he found out that Witch had been there, so I had to revisit the whole ordeal. And instead of bing helpful or even compassionate, he was condescending and arrogant...what a combination. BAH!

At the end of the day I threw in my towel and just decided to go with my best friend to see his brother and sister in law and have some drinks. While on my way to this event, which I was sure going to take my mind off the day, I received a phone call that one of the pygmies ran their parents mini van into our gate/fenced play yard! Ok, first of all, WHAT?!?!, secondly, REALL!?!?!? and then, Why, How in the hell does a pygmie run a mini van, into the fence? Where on Earth was their parent? OMG!!!!!!!!(yes I just text lingo-ed in a blog) Perfect......just the perfect fricken ending to my day!!! I think I may just scratch this one off as ---- it never happened it was all just a bad dream.......Until next time......

Rockin... well in my world anyhow

I got to hang out with my best friend's family over this weekend, and it was GREAT! Some little "nuggets" of entertainment also came about, so those are what I chose to highligh with this blog today....

My best friend's brother and family reserved a room for the week at one of our local resorts...very cool. They even invited us to join them pool side for the first afternoon...drinks and the pool...I AM TOTALLY IN!!!! Well, when we got there, we came to discover that there was an outdoor wedding also planned for the day, and yup, it was right next to the pool area....no joke. So here we were, hanging poolside, when ( enter the scene) dum dum du dum...the bride walked down the isle......I felt a little invasive, however, not so much that I was going to cut my poolside exeprience short by any means...but on some level it was slightly entertaining...

My best friend also decided to purchase ROCKBAND2 this weekend. If you are unfamiliar with it, it has a drumset (electronic), a microphone, and guitar...all of which play along with these preslected rock songs...you have to hit the right series of keys to rock out....well my charming 12 year old and my best friend played this new game, and man it was entertaining........I had to exclude myself from the play, becasue frankly, rockin out...not so much my thing. But watching those two sing songs like "eye of the tiger" ......

Then lastnight, we ventured off to the fair...good food, decent music (which is why we went), and family. (my best friend's mom also came along) While we were sitting there 4 older (like 60's 70's) ladies sat by us.....no big deal right? They ordered a pitcher of beer, which for the record I have never seen older ladies drink beer, so slightly disturbing...but eh whatever! :o)

I would have to say that over all its been a pretty rockin weekend with my best friend and some family along the way.... until next time........

Schlub and Pygmies?

Ok! I have had just about enough of the retarded people that I MUST interact with lately! Yes, I say MUST, because it seems that this one particular schlub just cant seem to get a freakin clue and stay out of my path!

Have you ever had this horrible gut feeling about a situation and someone in that situation, you know..... where you think that someone is seriously f***ing up your plan and seemingly undermining your every move forward? but you don't say anything initially because you would like to try and give them the benefit of the doubt? Yep, It's also known as the "i am a complete sucker, so take advantage of me syndrome....."

I have kinda had this feeling, for months now, that someone was pulling all kinds of shenanigans with me and my pygmie "post" I actually had myself convinced that I was just being plain old paranoid, and so, I let it go, again, and again. Ignoring my gut....what a dumb thing to do!

Well, yesterday I came across some information in black and white that not only were my paranoid suspicions right, it was far worse than I could have even fathomed!

I feel like Queen Ester, the Jewish girl who, through a series of God Driven events, came into being queen, only to save her people........a bit of a stretch for you? Well everyone else who has encountered and endured this schlub's idiocy and undermining destruction has bailed. Like really, just up and left. But I can't, I have to man my pygmie "post" and so I am driven to try and correct this issue. It's making me crazy!

The "Schlub" weaves such charisma with everyone they come into contact with, so me challenging anything is looked at as absurd! Can you imagine? A fricken thieving, conniving, lying, schlub, with the charm of a running politician. Only with politicians, you kinda expect this sort of behavior.....but "schlub" is supposed to be different, supposed to be righteous and guiding and what not.....BAH! Stupid Schlub! why on earth do I let the schlub crazy! That's it, I am done! I am doing what I always do, when I am faced with difficulties, I am going to......have a bottle of wine....totally kidding.(well not totally, but) i am going to dig my heels in and stand firm. I am going to stand and fight for my pygmie "post". Let the schlub come at me and weave his ridiculous web of lies and whatnot, it only lasts so long, I mean just ask the guys from Enron, hmmm now that's almost a comforting thought.......that's it for now, until next time........

The Bride, a bathroom, and the lesbian? A typical wedding I guess

Greetings! So...yesterday was very interesting! I mean who knew what kind of stuff women have to endure in order to look the way they do for a wedding..... everyone else sees the finished product when all the ladies saunter down the isle, but you WOULDN"T believe what goes into that....sigh

I must tell you that only the bride cares about all the little details, like what color the cake is, and what should be next to the cake for pictures, and what the card box needs to be and how much toule to put around the tables, etc. I mean man I was in the weddding and i don't even remember. Which brings me to one of my points for this blog ( finally, for heaven's sake we are already a paragraph in) The bride......a wedding is really all about the bride, nobody else, not even the groom, really. All of the bridesmaids are there to attend to the bride, and the groomsmen are there as props to help the bridesmaids look good for pictures, the groom, well, really all he has to do is stand back and repeat after the pastor, and then his defining moment is when the pastor allows him to "kiss the bride". otherwise ALLL the other stuff is about the bride.....

So my role in this whole ordeal was a bridesmaid.....and although I was kinda the odd man out, meaning the other ladies seemed to have a bond with each other, I was there for no other reason than for the bride....I walked down the isle and smiles for ALL the pictures ( OH MY GOODNESS THE FRICKEN PICTURES) Let's just side not right here for a minute...the pictures were all of the traditional poses, but then we had to pose with a skid steer, and then a big green john deer tractor....) but I kept smiling and made sure the bride was good to go. Which meant that I ran front line damage control to keep her smiling, and less stressed.......Oh and did I mention that I was also the personal bathroom attendant, yup, it takes at least two people to help the bride and her dress ( which is a whole other entity in a wedding) in the bathroom.....at any rate, I was in charge of diffusing any family drama before it reached the bride, this way she had less to worry about and nobody would have a beef with her at the end of the night, they would most likely hate me, which, for the record, I was ok with. And yes, there was a few who were....how shall we put it, not exactly thrilled with me by the night's end. I think one girl actually said she wanted to smack me across the face, of course, nothing ever came of it, but whatever, her drama, not mine :o) especially since I was drinking alot of wonderfully yummy, absolutely delicious, margaritas........ok that probably wasn't whole truth, I think that woman, well I believe I called her a lesbian, which is not really a bad thing, unless there's truth to it and you don't want people to know about it...then I could see getting a little upset about it, but really? And quite frankly, I was only stating something that everyone, including this woman's mother, believed was true before I even breathed a word of it...so I was merely calling a spade a spade.

At any rate I had a blast, the bride had a blast, i didn't try to kill the Maid of Honor (which is a huge accomplishment for me by the way), and the wedding went along without any issues. so it was a good night, and believe it or not, there were some pretty cute pictures out of the deal so, who's complaining....until next time......

D Day

Today was D Day......not like D day for Normandy, but like the BIG D and I don't mean Dallas....what you still aren't sure what in the world I am referring to? OH PAAAHHHLEEZE, It's the Divorce, duh? Alright, back to my previous thought......today was the day. I say was even though it's not even noon yet, because it's over, the divorce, not the day, come one try to follow along, would ya? At any rate we arrived (yes we, as in together, as in I made sure he was present) early and got in early, how convenient, I mean seriously usually any government operated facility is NEVER on time, and not early by any means, so maybe just maybe God's hand was on this one....even though He was the one who instituted the whole "marriage" thing, I think that even when tragic terrible things happen ( which yes, He allows, because of our own free will yadayadayada) He can turn them into something good. So the fact that we were "sped" up in the process, actually turned out ok, because before I know what was goin on, we were like finished.

So here I sit a "free" woman, for the first time in a LONG time, free in the sense that I can now, move forward. I can stop looking back over my shoulder to see if what i am doing will be looked down on by judgmental people in the community. I can put one foot in front of the other and just move forward! what a sigh of relief! So now this afternoon, I am going to go to a rehearsal dinner, and have an AMAZING time. Then tomorrow I am going to be in a wedding for my friend, and again, have an AMAZING time. Because I can see clearly now....... all the while looking forward and not back over my shoulder....so....here's to a brand new chapter in my life.....out with the old and in with the new......bring on the freedom!......until next time..................

Time marches on....

Today i am home,which is kinda out of the ordinary for me, since it is a weekday and I generally play with the pygmies, but I am taking a personal day. I left the third session of camp a day early to come home. I really missed my best friend, and I had to prep for my big weekend, but mostly my big day. I am sooooo very nervous right now, I am almost shaking out of my skin....tomorrow i sit in front of the family court commissioner and finalize my divorce, you know the thing that was a catalyst of sorts to me blogging........

Now on one hand I should be overjoyed with the fact that I can move onto a new chapter in my life, but it doesn't help with the anxiety of the whole matter........I am scared out of my pants! I have to sit on a court room and face my ex, with a court commissioner asking us questions, all the while crossing my fingers that my ex doesn't speak up and contest anything that we have thus far agreed upon. If that happens I could be delayed a 6-8 more weeks! COME ON ALREADY! I need this to be done so I can move forward!

I won't lie I am also kinda grieving, I mean it is a loss, a huge chunk of my life, no less. But if I look at it from the stand point that I have like 90 more years to go...alright not quite that much, but alot none the less, then it is only a fraction of my life as a whole, which also means that i have a great deal of time to move forward.

I just need to suck it up and put on my big girl panties, and march through my day, putting one foot in front of the other.......I mean really if I think about it this whole thing at the court house is ONLY going to take 30 minutes, and here I am spending HOURS worrying and having anxiety about the whole matter....SIGH! So really, really, I just need to step back and look at the whole picture, you know the WHOLE, 90 year, picture.....Stuff happens, and I just gotta roll with it......cause Time marches on......until next time.................

Friends, Family, FOOD!!! 3 essentials.........

Greetings!I have survived my first stretch of my busy month! *yawn* It was so GREAT though, because I feel Like we really got to just hang with this first group of kids! Oh and the food, naturally because I made it (kidding) was AMAZING! The menu was tweaked just a little for this group, because they are younger, and generally more finicky when it comes to eating. Some of the favorites were tator tot casserole, nachos, spaghetti, grilled cheese, french toast, and this new stuff called Krupsua. OH MY HEAVENS it was all so good! then to top it off, some of the ladies (older) baked cookies, and bars for desserts! I think that secretly after you reach a certain age within the church the elders must take you aside and either pay for private baking courses or instruct you from a long line of family recipes, I mean THAT is the only reason these treats are sooooooo delicious! Holy cow, I think I may have steered off my diet, slightly,......ok ok I admit it, I was a diet train wreck this week, but these sweets are just THAT delicious.

on another note, we had a different speaker this time, usually we have the ever amazing Pastor Shiloh, but he was unavailable this time. Which, BTW, threw some people and made them a little uncomfortable, because people HATE change, and heaven forbid we broaden our horizons or something. But anyhow this woman was awesome! She had three children, which were so well behaved and such little joys! plus, wait for it....she was so much like me that we connected instantly! She is her church's Children's minister, and here's one of the best parts, her church is in Eau Claire, so when we go visit my best friend's additional out of town friends, who live in Eau Claire, we have a church to go to!!!!! WOOOOOOOHOOOOOOO! This woman was such a great woman of God, she just fit right in, and the kids welcomed her and learned about the Armor of God! *sigh* I will miss her, hopefully she returns next year.

I also got to hang out with my favorite 7 year old on the whole planet, my little Mad Dog. She and I had some major breakthroughs this week, and we prayed together for things yet to come. She is so smart and receptive to her surroundings. I Just love her sooo much! In fact, she always tells me that she loves me more than there are stars in the sky......*sigh* I will miss her! Hopefully if my ex has a heart, she can stay with me for the next session of camp, and then we can hang even more! ....here's to praying about it!

Plus I got to see women that I generally only see once a year, and it, too, was amazing. With a smaller group of kids this year we were able to hang out a little bit more, which of course, I LOVE! Overall, it all ran VERY smooth! I will admit that everyday I found myself missing my best friend, but maybe next year, or in the near future, he can join me on the front lines of seed planting via camp.....we shall pray about that as well. i am looking very much forward o the next session!......until next time.......

The cost of Freedom......

Happy 4th of July Everyone! Do you know that most people have no idea why we even celebrate the 4th of July? Their perception of the whole ordeal is fireworks and cookouts, along with adult beverages. THIS is not what the whole deal is, but naturally us being humans, and i would even say Americans with an intense sense of entitlement, we have turned the whole spectacle into yet another event all about US..as in ourselves...as in selfish.

We are celebrating the day when our founding fathers "freed" us from the monarchy, the control of the king.....they rose up and stood for what was right, and God honored that. Yep, there I go again, with the God thing......Nothing happens without Him knowing, and quite frankly, i believe that if He doesn't approve He allows it to fail. But when He is on board 100%, he blesses the socks off us....and so We have a nation founded on Freedom.

However, You must have some sacrifice with any type of Freedom, and so, enter in stage left....Our military. These men and women fight other nations to keep us free....and so we also celebrate the 4th to Honor the soldiers, both alive and still fighting and those who have sacrificed the one thing that is most precious, their own life.

There was a man, John Henry who said, 'GIVE ME LIBERTY OR GIVE ME DEATH....." well I want to poke your brain a little and make you see something else.....Jesus GAVE US LIBERTY THROUGH HIS DEATH.....He sacrificed Himself to bring us home...so really even if the soldiers of America aren't "religious" or "Christian" they are demonstrating a Christ Like Love for their Country and fellow Americans, sure you can mask it with Patriotism, but really, the root of it all is exactly what Christ did for us......Everyday these men and women lay their life on the line for the good of the many......and because of that, I believe that God honors and protects them.

So why the fireworks and cookouts? Everyone know that fireworks are an amazing spectacle, and that everyone loves a good BOOM, but really it's because The fireworks are a huge sign of celebration......people can see fireworks for miles in some places.....they are huge and everyone can celebrate, and what better thing than to celebrate the Freedom of a WHOLE NATION, Under God, nonetheless.

Cookouts? well come on, July is hot so nobody wants to be inside cooking, so why not grill.....not to mention the fact that we as humans, love to have that sense of family, and what better excuse to have everyone come over and see each other again....plus it's generally a three day weekend in the very least, so those who live out of town can swing in for the festivities......

Now understand this, I am not knockin how we celebrate the 4th because I love the parades (which I am still unsure why we do that, but I DO love th candy!) and cookouts, and fireworks. I just want to draw attention to the fact that we need to remember that Christ gave his life to keep us free from the flames of Hell, and our soldiers give their lives to keep us free from living in countries that are much like hell........ remember that this holiday weekend.....WE ARE THE HOME OF THE FREE BECAUSE OF THE BRAVE............until next time.......

Busy Little Bee......

Busy busy busy, this is the word that I can use to describe my life in the month of July! I must admit, though, that I bring it ALL upon myself. See I volunteer for an AMAZING christian kids camp, which when I started, it was only one week long, well....that was six years ago, and now we have extended it to three weeks.....a session for each age group, kids, preteen and teen. I love to do it, I mean we operate on volunteer basis, and it keeps the cost of the camp fee down, which is great, and we plant sooooo many seeds in these children, but I am so exhausted after the sessions. *sigh* But that's another blog..........

So, we are celebrating the 4th of July weekend, which, where I am from we have a lot of small communities that each sponsor a different fireworks display, so it seems we are going to all kinds of fireworks festivities, one on the 27th, one on the 2nd, one on the 3rd, and then the one on the 4th. Plus there is the parade on the 4th, which happens to be a big to do with my best friend's family........then, On the 5th I start my first session of camp, and come home just for Friday night and Saturday, Sunday I have to set up a fundraiser and leave for the second session of camp, (at some point while I am home I have to do my laundry and prep for the following week...) after second session I come back home for Friday, so I have to work because I am kinda the boss, and since I will be away for the week, I am sure I have so much damage control I may have to call in the National Guard or something, who knows. then Saturday is filled with laundry and prepping ( what a glamorous life, No?) Sunday is back to Camp for the final session, Thursday Night is home late, Friday morning is my Final Divorce hearing ( which scares the pants off me BTW) at ten thirty, followed by work at noon, and a rehearsal dinner ( not MINE, a girlfriend is getting married) that evening (which is going to rock, because I will probably need to drink) and then Saturday I am in the Wedding, which will be.....hmm let's just say, worthy of blogging about I am sure......and then.....*sigh* I may, jusy maybe, be able to exhale for the first time all month......

So why Do I do crazy stuff that completely over books my life? Well, It keeps me outta trouble for sure, and because, well, let's just be honest....I do like it, why else would I do it? Is is crazy to think about all at once, you had better believe it, but hey, that's why I blogged, I mean at least now I have in hard copy on what the heck I am supposed be doing........So I guess this also means that I have the potential to have a few more blogs based on these experiences........and I guess that also means you may want to hang onto your panties cause we're in for a ride.........until next time.....

Just a little Salt.......

I am at a point in my life where I am sure I am doing just what I need to be doing, but I can't help but keep glancing back over my shoulder just to make sure.........It's rather annoying, really. You know that in the Bible, which, yes, I read regularly, it says that God directed Lot (what a name) and his wife to leave the city they lived in and to not look back....well leave it to the fricken woman, (you know the gender that really messed things up from the start) to look back, over her shoulder and internally mourn the loss of their lifestyle. Well, since God himself had instructed them NOT to look back, and this was way before Jesus came to save humanity, you know the time when god was righteous and all, God ZAP!, turned Lot's wife into a pillar of salt.......Imagine that for a second, here they are just walking along, and I picture Lot telling his wife that everytging will be great...yada yada and she is probably arguing with him or in the very least being difficult to convince, and POOF he looks over and she is gone, and all that is left in her place is ......salt. CRAZY!!!

So what does this have to do with me? Well I feel, for the first time, like I am right where I need to be...no more forks in the road, with me just sitting there contemplating where in the world or what in the world I should be doing or going. I am just afraid, I feel like if I leave behind something i won't ever get it back.....It's foolish I know, because I truly believe that God will provide any of my needs. So I guess I should try and evaluate if this thing is really a need?

Perhaps it's just a desire....but I remember reading a passage in the Bible that says, May He give you the desires of your heart and make all your plans succeed...........Hmmm thought provoking. Maybe I should just do what I am doing, since i also believe that God has placed me here with the people that i am surrounded by, and know that He already has taken care of whatever my crazy doubts are....ooooh doubts, there is a word I know also.....Satan is the Father of lies and doubt, he casts seeds of doubt everywhere he goes....hmmmm never thought of that either, well I guess "talking" it out has just set my head straight, .....interesting, well I guess all I have to say now is thanks for sitting long enough for me to think through this ridiculous thing? :o) Until next time..........

Nope, I didn't have my V8........

Well its Wednesday, which is a pretty awesome day...normally. Today when I was hanging out with the Pygmy tribe, I felt like I was a little "off". You know like those commercials that advertised the V8.....walking a little crooked, just a little "off" I just couldn't shake it.....

i thought for most of the day about why this might be, and I have come to conclude that although, i like to try and leave my feeling safely guarded in a jar at home beside my bed, today I forgot to place them there....so here i was pretty much wearing them on my sleeve......

I, first of all, should point out that my best friend in the entire universe is out of town, on vacation to sin city, since last Saturday......sigh! So, that almost feels like my arm is missing or something. So picture it, I am hanging with pygmies, and have only one arm, feeling a little "off".....

I went to an appointment and was informed that a pygmies parents are getting a divorce, not really news, but still I was shocked! Mostly because there are 3 children in this marriage and the mother wants NOTHING to do with them...ages 16 down to 4.....so here this dad is trying to figure out what to do, and to make matters worse for this man, his wonderfully financially irresponsible wife left behind sooooooo much debt that he has to work overtime...here's the frosting on the cake, since we live in the wonderful state of WI where EVERYTHING is 50/50 the assets and the DEBT should be split right? NOPE, He inherits all the debt and she will ask for nothing! not the house or the kids or her part in the business, etc. This poor guy, my heart kinda sunk for him, he really is a nice guy, like really....so I am trying to see what it is I can or the resources I am able to tap into, can help him along the way.....

I also had a meeting with my employees and told them that I had decided to cut on of our programs....our summer one.....which was a bit emotional, not like sobbing and crying, no no no not at all, that may have been more enjoyable for me, nope this was irrate, ticked off, why didn't we get a say in it kinda thing.......I am not even cutting their hours, I was actually going to need to hire other people, who weren't selected yet. In the end I was left kinda ticked off but mostly sad, because we reach SOOOOOO many kids with this summer program, but I need to focus on ONE thing right now and I already have tooooo many irons in the fire.....

Then, came another call from the ex, which is always so wonderful.....NOT. He is at the newest stage in the this whole process, you know the one I was at like 18 months ago......anyhow he hounding me for reconciliation...which let's face it, just ISN'T an option! But it doesn't help me with the whole feeling of guilt, which I KNOW, is something I really shouldn't be feeling......but hey it is what it is......

So all of these things are pretty minor and can be generally, I think dealt with.....if THAT was the only thing to deal with, but here they are all together....and it seems like a huge weight in on my shoulders, and I am feeling a little "off" to begin with, so let's just hope I don't fall over! I know the old saying goes, God only gives you as much as you can handle, but...come on Dude who do I look like, Superman? Sigh....guess I will just fine tune my "armor" and dig my heels in to STAND FIRM and yep, I will live to fight another day....I am just glad that in a few days I won't have to go to it alone, cause My Best Friend will be back to stand to front lines with me ....and when all else fails, well I can lean on him....he's strong!!!! That's it, until next time........

Laughter is, after all, the BEST medicine

So I, like anyone else, go through my day and witness MANY strange things...or so that's my perception of it. Plus, given the fact that I am detail oriented, I perhaps, pick up on some things more than other people would. This is going to be a rambling of the things that I have "witnessed" over tha past few days.....

First of all I had the opportunity to enjoy my oldest daughter's spring concert....and WOW what a great people watching venue! I saw this one "boy" who was probably like 19 years old, dressed in TIGHT fitting jeans, which were rolled up like Capris, a flannel shirt and loose fitting stocking hat.....he looked, well, how shall we say it....eccentric.

Then there was the enitre 6th grade class....why is when kids are already at that akward stage in their life, they feel it's necessary to dress the way they do and fix their hair that way? I mean really ladies, let's face it, the side part, no bang, hang in your face thing? Who woke up one morning and thought hmmmm, this was a good idea? And what is with the boys having hair swooped off to one side and shaggy to boot? GET A FRICKEN HAIR CUT!!!!!

I was at the local grocery store the next day, and I saw this average looking woman, probably mid 40s a little overweight, walking through the store at 9 o clock in the morning, in her Pj's ...which i am not making fun of, becasue holy cow, I wear mine all of the time, but her hair was snarled, which meant she had not made any attempt to brush it, and she wasn't wearing a bra, and for the record, she should have considered one, but even all of this was NOT the odd part, I noticed that she must have taken the time or given thought to put her jewelery and make up on...this make up was NOT the kind that would be left over from the night before, Lord knows I have seen My fair share of that kind, nope, this was flawless, just put on kind...and her jewelery was not something that any woman would be able to sleep in, just trust me on this....so it made me wonder....why on earth not just take the additional five minutes to finish the job before you some out in public? Just a question.....

Now since i work with a tribe of pygmies, I hear all kinds of interesting things come out of their mouths.....

I had this one pygmie who was on the changing table, and while I was changing his diaper he reached down and pulled on his "boy part" and looked at me and asked, what' s this? I told him it was his boy part...he lifted his head a little to look at it, and said "why hello!" and layed back down....oh man the laughter I had to contain!

There was another pygmie that was following behind me out to the play yard when I heard her say what I thought was a**hole ...not once but three times. I turned around to explain to her that we don't say those type of words, when I realized she was crouched down looking at, and pointing to, an ANT HOLE! *sigh of relief*

I was sitting down in the morning, enjoying some coffee, when the first pygmie came into my class room. She looked at me with excitement, and said, It's gonna be a nice day today!, I asked her why she thought that ( really trying to prompt her to tell me because the sun is shining, or it's warm outside etc.) and she replied," because I watched the weather channel. " Well...of course she did, how silly of me not to know?

I had one pygmie come up to me in the afternoon, amidst the general departure time, and ask "when is my gamma going to be here?" I told him, oh in a little bit, buddy. He looked very excited and replied, "a little bit?, that's my favorite time of the day!"

I notice all kinds of ridiculous details, and hear ALL KINDS of weird kid-isms, I must say, that most of the time God shows his sense of humor through all of the chaos i have in my world, through such things. I guess at the end of the day I should, maybe, try to be less judgmental, and laugh a little more...... :o) well that's it for now, until next time......

Check your baggage......

Today I have persevered through yet another hurdle in the big "D" process. I had to attend a co-parenting class, since I have two children that will also be affected by this transition in my life.....At any rate apparently, being the director of a child care center, does not validate my ability to effectively raise my own children without the help of a bureaucratic class. I guess essentially raising other people's children, daily, does not constitute enough experience...or somethin! Not that I am bitter about it at all.....nope.

Anyhow I had to take this class, and pay another fee, so that's what i did today. Now going into this thing I was so nervous, because I never know what to expect with these mandatory classes the state throws at you. It started with 8 of us sitting in a circle...much like a fricken support group. Each of us had our handouts, which were available on-line, I might add, and the "instructor" went over these handouts. Ok, let me first pause here to tell you what I had observed about this "instructor" First of all she was heavier, but that's ok, purely an observation. Her nails were short and painted, albeit a strange array of color and design, still just an observation. She was wearing Lia Sophia earrings and necklace. She had on all black, but brown socks and shoes...a little weird, but still just an observation. She was older, I would guess mid 50s and was going gray. Now what really struck me was that she wore no wedding ring, which meant she had not currently been married. But after the class progressed she informed us that she had been divorced for a little over 10 years and she had raised two children through this divorce of hers, and had since adopted her grandson, and had another child who was 10 from a previous relationship. It kind of made me wonder what her qualifications for such a class was, but......I figured she was the instructor, so I would just sit and listen.

So we start, we each had to go around the room and introduce ourselves, and Oh heavens! There was only two men in this group, and the other women were complete MAN-HATERS! It was awful the things these women used to justify they're situations......One woman, who didn't want the divorce, actually admitted to falling in love with another man at work and was sad that her husband just couldn't deal with the fact that she loved this other man...I mean she even went further to say that it wasn't like she was ever going to act on those feelings for this man, she just fell in love with him and was being COMPLETELY honest about it, well....then sweetheart, in THAT case why on earth would your husband NOT stay? OH COME ON!!!! Then there was a woman who, I believe, had substantial reason to leave her husband, He abused her physically, verbally, and was a raging alcoholic, who was currently serving jail time for domestic abuse......so I could understand her resentment, I guess. Then there was one woman who, actually told us her ENTIRE life story for crying out loud! She had tried to leave her husband two years ago and he threatened that he was going to kill himself, blah blah blah, and so she took him back hoping that it would be different, but it wasn't, yada yada yada, and so she asked her children what they should do, and naturally, since children wonderful problem solvers, and amazing counselors, when they are 13 and 8 years old, they decided to allow mom to get a divorce. I couldn't believe what I was hearing!

I mean, yeah I know everyone has issues, I get that, but it can't be the other person's fault COMPLETELY! It was supposed to be a team effort? the TWO of you entered into this marriage, and while one may have been at bigger fault or not, it took two of you to exit.....TWO! My situation is NO different....i could have been a better wife, and I failed, I made daily mistakes, some bigger than others. Yes, He did as well, it, I think, its all about how much one person can handle, which stems off what each of your expectations are. If you start off in a marriage with different expectations, there are bound to be problems...and while no relationship is perfect, how you handle these problems will determine your character as a person and the health of your marriage. I have to admit that my marriage was not even close to be what I expected it to be, but we couldn't get a handle on how to cope with the short comings or mistakes from the other individual. So we both played the blame game, and we both did things that we knew would disappoint the other....it was a colossal failure on both of our parts. So we both sat through this class and kept quiet while the others in the group went on about their spouse's ridiculousness. I have to admit, I found myself wondering what on earth he was thinking......I mean I know there were numerous times when I wanted to speak up, but keep to myself. I guess I can see why people have issues with relationships, I mean we just carry our "baggage" and ideas of how wronged we have been around to our next relationship.....It's this crazy cycle! It's amazing we can function at all!

I Do know that, for me, this has been a learning experience, a stepping stone that I hope I can use to better any relationships I have in my future. To start, I guess I can "check all baggage at the door" Now I just have to implement it............until next time.

A woman of Noble Character.....

So I sit here on one of the few days that I have off during the year and I am reflecting on someone i don't generally take the time to reflect upon....myself. It's easy, and sometimes even entertaining, to reflect on others, kind of like that one verse in the Bible which says do not try to pick the speck of sawdust out of your neighbors eyes as you look past the plank in your own....

See I haven't explained it to you yet, although many people who know me are quite aware of this next fact...I am a God Fearing Woman...I wake every morning and spend some time flipping through my Bible until I come across something that stands out and then I read and reflect, this usually takes about fifteen minutes, but it sets my day.

At any rate I was sitting here on Good Friday trying to figure out what I should be reading and so the flipping continued until my mind settled on Proverbs...not the most exciting book in the Bible but full of wisdom none the less. Now I got all the way to the end of that book before something hit me, like a truck! It was the Proverbs 31 woman....

I have probably read this verse a hundred times before...but today it just hit! Maybe it because I felt failure due to the marriage thing, or maybe it's because I have felt less than adequate in many facets of my life.....but this verse pointed out some interesting things about me, I think....

"A wife (woman) of noble character who can find? She is far more precious than rubies. (she is rare and precious...hmmm interesting) Her Husband (or other people) has full confidence in her and lacks nothing of value ( she is trustworthy) She bring him good, not harm, all the days of her life (she is respectful and kind) She selects wool and flax and works with eager hands (she works joyfully) she is like the merchant ships bringing her food from afar (she goes the extra mile to get the choicest goods) She gets up while it is still dark; she provides food for her family and portions for her servant girls (she is disciplined) She considers a field and buys it; out of her earnings she plants a vineyard (she is prudent with her money) She sets about her work vigorously; her arms are strong for her tasks ( she is energetic) She sees that her trading is profitable, and her lamp does not go out at night (she is a good steward) In her hand she holds the distaff and grasps the spindle with her fingers ( she is diligent) She opens her arms to the poor and extends her hands to the needy ( she is compassionate and generous) When it snows, she has no fear for her household, for all of them are clothed in scarlet (she is provident) She makes covering for her bed; she is clothed in fine linen and purple ( she is elegant) Her husband is respected at the city gate, where he takes seat among the elders of the land. (Influential) She makes linen garments and sells them and supplies the merchants sashes; (she is industrious) She is clothed in strength and dignity; she can laugh at the days to come (she is poised) She speaks with wisdom and faithful instruction is on her tongue (she is wise) She watches over the affairs of her household and does eat the bread of idleness ( she manages her home) Her children arise and call her blessed; her husband also, and praises her (she is praiseworthy) many women do noble things but you surpass them all (distinguished) Charm is deceptive, and beauty if fleeting; but a woman who fears the Lord is to be praised ( God fearing) Give her the reward she has earned, and let her works bring her praise at the city gate ( honored)" Proverbs 31

So after I had read this and inserted my interpretations (the parentheses) I felt like I have alot to work on...i mean sure I do alot already, but it's not the full monty. If I am to live the life and walk the entire walk of a God fearing woman, then I need to shape up! I need to do some spiritual exercising..... this verse is the outline of a the ideal woman...it says nothing about physical looks, it says nothing about how much money she has to make..it says she is elegant and prudent with her money. It says nothing about her "status" in the community, just in her home, with her family. She needs to take care of her home and all of those in it. I would love to become this woman who is elegant, poised, praiseworthy, rare, precious, and honored, in any ones eyes. But hopefully, I can achieve this so that someday, if it is in God's plan, i can be the Wife of noble character as well.....I am going to go sip my tea and reflect some more....until next time.....

Ford Pinto and Cadillac

So I know this guy....he is truly my best friend......Well, I have spent a great deal of time with him, obviously, and I have come to notice a few differences between us. Now there are always the VERY obvious ones, you know, male/female, etc. But then there are ones that come out only after you have really spent time with that person. This is one of those differences.....

I, for the first time , was able to hang out with this person and his mother, which was a little....hmmm stressful, because let's just be honest, here, its easy to find someone who is your best friend all alone, but when any family is involved it gets...sticky. And here I was hanging with him and HIS mom, which is like the ultimate sticky....like laffy taffy on a hot July day sticky!, But THAT"S another story......while spending time with the two of them, I was listening to stories of his childhood, and all the while comparing to the stories of my childhood, well mentally anyway.....

His mom and he were talking about the first car he remembered being in with his mom...a Cadillac. Now this car is quite nice and a classic, in fact these cars are still being made, and are amazing cars! While he was reminiscing about the 8 track in the car I was thinking about the first car I remember being in with MY mom....a Ford Pinto! No joke, true story!

Ok the Pinto is a FAR cry from the Caddy, and was such a tragedy for Ford that they discontinued it, but not before my father purchased two more just like the first one we owned, on account that they were so cheap! Now this makes for a great thought and even a funny story, but in my head it illustrated how quite opposite My best friend and I were. I mean i guess I knew he had a different up bringing compared to me, but THIS simple memory was a mental illustration on how different it was. He is the baby in the family, I am the oldest, His family seemed pretty secure financially, Mine was broke as a joke, His family has a great reputation in the community, mine has a reputation alright..... his father served his time on his job and is now retired, my father just served Time...also No Joke. Pinto/Cadillac, he has brothers I have sisters,....His parents play poker for recreation, my parents used drugs for recreation , So, you say, what is the point to all of this?

Well i guess it just goes to show you that no matter where you come from or what you have or have not been exposed to, God puts people in each other's paths for a reason....Now even when we may not recognize the reason, it's still HIS call. I feel like I have been placed in My best friend's life to be a royal pain in the butt, and he would agree, but also I think it's because at the end of the day I make him think about somethings that otherwise would not ever question...i make him think about his faith and I think that's important! I also think that he makes me work on being a better person in the community.. Someone who can rise above the reputation that was handed down to me by my parents, someone who is different from everyone in my family. I know that My best friend will stand firm next to me in the front lines, and I have God to thank for making our paths cross.......that's it for now...until next time....

To be or not to be.....pregnant

So i just received some awesome news...a friend of mine is actually having a baby right NOW!! It's pretty awesome! But hearing that, brought some different thoughts to my mind, so again, I have decided to write them down. First of all, when a woman finds out she is pregnant, she tells her friends and family...now the manner in which she tells them depicts how excited or prepared she is for the event. You can say one of two things....." We're having a baby!" or "we're pregnant" Now to a man, these mean one in the same, but I am going to let you in on a secret...THEY SO AREN'T anywhere close to being the same!!! If a woman says she is having a baby its because she has been planning it and trying to create this little bundle.....if she says she is pregnant, well you can almost guarantee that it wasn't planned and she is scared out of her mind!

Then I started thinking about my girls, and how I never got to tell my friends that I was having a baby....ever. I was the one girl who wanted to have four children and wanted to have a big family, and I just didn't get to have that....like I have two amazing girls, whom I love to death! But man, it would have been cool to have more....and to get a little sentimental, or mushy or whatever, I really wanted to "have a baby" and appreciate EVERY moment of that pregnancy! Because I will tell you that if you aren't prepared, you don't appreciate the morning sickness, or the going pee every five seconds while the baby just shoves her foot into your lung! You don't appreciate the baby doing flip flops on top of your kidneys while you are trying to sleep, you don't appreciate the fact that you have always hated anchovies and now for some god forsaken reason that is all you want to eat! You just don't appreciate the little things..... You just don't. *sigh*

So here I sit feeling so excited for my friend, who got to tell her family that she was having a baby...but also feeling a little jealous and kind of like a kid who wasn't invited to the birthday party that everyone else in the class got to go to...a little left out....sigh. Oh well, I guess I can always look forward to grandkids, when my girls are like 40! ......that's it for now, until next time.......

the new car smell...

So it's official, I have spent 5 nights at my "new to me" place and the new car smell is beginning to wear off. Now don't get me wrong, I LOOOOOOOVE my place, but I am seeing a few things that may need to be "tweaked".

For example my only immediate neighbor has a son, and teenage son, who's bedroom is like on the other side of my living room.....well his room is soooooo not even close to being sound proof! Everyday for at least twenty minutes (minimum) I hear his "music" It's like eminem and snoop. Then, as if listening to lyrics about bitches and hoes isn't bad enough, I actually hear him try to sing along!!! Oh man, it's ALMOST entertainment, but sadly I hate the taste in music! *sigh*

Another thing that perplexes me is the complete lack of outlets. I think that each room (with the kitchen being the exception) has one outlet! Now these outlets are from ...hmm the mayflower I bet, because they don't have the three prong! I know, I Know, I am spoiled, but seriously in today's technology world it's almost necessary to have at least two outlets in each room and each outlet should be three prong! I have found the necessary adapters though. Oh and since the rooms have only one outlet I have resorted to extension cords, which I have to become more creative in hiding the eyesore neon orange cords that trickle throughout the house.....

So now I have to tweak the few problems that have arose. the son.......well there are a few options, I could talk reasonable to him and explain that his repertoire of music is less than delightful for his neighbor, in which case he will probably spat in my face and decide to swear and turn his music up higher...I could address the issue with the adult in the house, i.e. his mother, in which case she will probably blow cigarette smoke in my face, laugh and say to get a life...which from my knowledge she has no life except to sit home and smoke and not pay any care in the world as to what her son does.....or I could plan a sneak attack and sabotage his electrical outlets, I mean his room probably only has one as well, and I am guessing it's on the other side of the wall from mine....teehee bwahhahaha, ....or, as a last resort I could just learn to enjoy listening to the same bitches and hoes music and learn the words and sing them better and louder than the boy next door.......hmmmm interesting......

Next issue, the outlets, well I feel as though I have addressed the issue because I have adapters and extensions cords, which might not be the best solution because it may pose a fire hazard? Perhaps I should just call my landlord and have him add a few outlets to the existing ones.....maybe that's the best solution.

I should tell you that aside from slim shady living next door I doo really love being here! And it seems like my daughter does as well, so for now that's good enough for me.......until next time....

I think my purse has a hole......

Ok I know that everyone has issues, and that they always think that their issue is by far the worst one ever. I am not about to try to one up anyone, mostly because I just don't have the energy after a long day chasing pygmies (which is what I do), I am just going to point out a small fact about something to do with a day in the life of ...me. It seems like alot of people have the same struggle I do, too much month left at the end of my money. *sigh* It's just frustrating! I hate having to struggle, it makes me crazier than I already am! I think that I have everything budgeted out at the beginning of the month, all my bills, and generally no spending money after, you all know the routine. Well somehow....at the end of the month there are still bills that need to be paid and I am out of money! I think that my purse has a hole in the bottom! It's maddening! I have actually traded in purses because I was sure that this theory was real..and yet the problem remains unsolved! I guess the only solution is to put my money in one of those glad flex garbage bags, or in my case, a sandwich bag! At least those claim to be impenetrable! maybe then I would have something left at the end of the month.......or how about this, since I already suffer from " I am the Center of the universe syndrome", how about we just shorten the length of the months? Perhaps then i would at least come out even? No? I am not the center of the universe, and therefore that's not going to happen? *sigh* How about the back up plan, which every woman has, but none are willing to admit, .......marry rich, and I don't mean the guys who's name is Rich. Oh, that's right! My first marriage failed so I should just not even count on doing it over again,.....hmmm good call! ah oh well i shall just continue with this conundrum until I can jump ahead ....until next time.......

Fresh and New...well sorta

So I have made the decision to start a blog, only time will tell if it's really worth it or not, for any of us involved. At any rate I made this decision after a few very big life changing events have occurred. First I filed for the big "D", and second I have moved into a new place. So these two things have left me feeling overwhelmed and looking for some order in my life. Generally when I am overwhelmed I talk alot, but i don't want to ,then in turn, overwhelm anyone who crosses my path, so perhaps writing it down will help....Ha! That's where you got sucked into my whole plan.

Let us first discuss my decision to move into a new place....believe it or not the filing for "d" had little to do with this particular move. I have been separated from him for over a year and had been living in a brand new, and I mean never before lived in by anyone else new, apartment. It was great! Fully loaded! I mean it was new and had all of the awesomeness that comes with being new....only one problem, okay like a dozen problems. First of all if anything became "worn" or gently used after me being there, i was the one who would pay for it....BAH! Next was the fact that they were built soooooo cheap that when my upstairs neighbor was peeing in his bathroom it sounded like he was peeing in mine! No insulation for soundproofing. Which by the way also was less than great when my young lover neighbors decided to make their evenings full of "show me how you love me" marathons! Then there was the fact that my upstairs neighbor, along with half of the rest of the tenants, had dogs! Now ordinarily I am ok with dogs, except that most of these dog owners did not follow the rules! They just let their dogs go to the bathroom pretty much wherever and so I had to constantly be on the look out for the steaming bomb. Now where i am from it snows ALOT and generally the snow covers up these acts of irresponsibility, but now we have been warming up and the snow has melted leaving all of the wonderful little piles of dog DNA! Plus there was the simple fact that the rent was really high! So my decision to move was based on the fact that my lease was up and I needed more money in my pocket ( a cheaper place to rent) and more privacy.....perhaps my own house or in the very least only one neighbor. So I found a duplex which was built probably just after Noah and the flood, which means this baby is virtually soundproof, and it was a ton less per month. I decided it was time.....so I packed all of the crap that one accumulates over a year and have been moving for 3 days. See that's how you have to do it when you work 10 hour days and are moving all the crap by yourself! But on the upside I have moved about 90% of my stuff and fit it into a house about half the size...without too much trouble. Ok I will be honest it has been a royal pain in my butt...who the heck keeps all of this stuff anyway? I have throuwn out more stuff than I have moved and i still have alot of crap! I am thinking of it as the ultimate Spring cleaning adventure!

Now onto my second decision, filing for the big "D". I know, I know, I had been separated from him for over a year so really, what's the big deal? Well, here's the deal. Nobody enjoys admitting they are a failure at anything, unless they suffer from craziness or even depression perhaps. Now being separated for a year was like no big deal, really. But when i had to walk into the local courthouse (which by the way I knew over half of the people in there, not including any inmates HA) and place the papers on the counter, you know the ones that state in black and white, that I suck and I failed at my marriage, I felt overwhelmed! Forget all of society saying that everyone is divorced, or a vast majority are, forget the statistics about today's divorce rate, this wasn't about everyone else and their issues. This was about the fact that whether or not he was faithful or loving, or whatever his short comings were, I sucked at holding it together! Now I am not one of those people who blames the other one for all of the problems, because Lord know I have plenty of my short comings and iniquities, which also contributed to this colossal failure. The fact that I couldn't keep it together for sake of the kids, or that fact that I do in fact feel like the whole thing was my fault, is pretty much crazy, and I KNOW THAT, but still......he wasn't the one who had to go into the courthouse and lay the black and white evidence on the counter stating that he sucked! Nope if I had left that one duty to him I would still be waiting......so I swallowed my pride ( for like 15 minutes) and admitted failure.

Now I am in the beginning proceedings of the big "D" and I have more papers to trudge through. I guess this is another one of those things where only time will tell......

In the meantime, I am going to blog about my days as a hard working ( which can be a whole other blog) single mom who needs to blow off some steam some days.....until next time.....