So many things happen over the course of time, I often am thinking of what I could write again, but then Life takes over and here I sit with 13 drafts that will probably never be published. .. well until today HA! Over the course of this past year I have grown into a whole different person. I have changed physically and mentally. I underwent gastric bypass (which has an unpublished entry in this log) and lost 105 pounds--- I lost a person who weighs the same as my youngest sister---maybe we will find that person's picture on a milk carton...speaking of which, do they even do that anymore? I have also developed an amazing level of confidence-- this probably stems from my weight loss...but hey, whatever- I still have it, and frankly I fucking love it. I have had 2 of my children move out into the adult world, since the last time we talked... and with that I decided to bring in 3 more Littles--- ages 10, 3, and 2 years old. What was I thinking? I have no way to describe it other than I needed to stand in the gap for these kids, because nobody else was. They come from a broken, addictive home, and needed some serious love and guidance. So here I start all over with potty training (something I haven't done in 14 years...) Here I start with teaching them to say please and thank you, use a fork, pick up after they are done playing, be nice to the furkids etc. I have started over. My oldest daughter is having a baby-- which means I will be raising Littles while I am also a Grandma (or Noninna--small grandma in Italian) I have discovered that my best friend and partner in crime has wandering eyes-- which is never a good thing. Unfortunately my discovery blind sided me to the point of no return.. Trust has been shattered and I don't think I can recover-- so here I sit married to a man I cannot trust, but cannot leave, since my Littles can only be in a 2 parent home--- great right.....? not exactly my thoughts of a dream life--- but like Grandfather always said--- you gotta take the bad with the good--- so there's that

So, Since I haven't been here in like FOREVER, so much has happened. The latest and greatest development is the choice I have made to become a healthier me. I have been going through 8 months of Nutritional Training in preparation for Gastric Bypass surgery. Now, I am barely over the required BMI for the procedure... in fact, I just squeaked in a mere .2 (yes point 2) to meet the required 40 BMI. In fact, this little number is the very thing that almost got me kicked out of what i like to call "fat kid camp" It was last month (after I had completed all required consecutive appointments) -- pause-- you MUST meet with Dr every month, attend support group meetings, have a psych evaluation, and make those meetings EVERY month, if you miss ONE, then you begin the process from the beginning--- anyhow, last month I received a notice that I no longer met the requirement for the surgery-- WTH! The reason? Because I had no other health conditions --diabetes, high cholesterol, acid re-flux, sleep apnea, high blood pressure-- and i was just under the required BMI. So in my head, they just kicked me out of fat kid camp for being too healthy and not fat enough? Um excuse me?!?! Clearly the infamous "they" had never tried on any of my clothes and looked in the mirror-- I mean I was PLENTY fat. trust me, this I know. I, of course, did what any other woman would do... I got angry and then I sobbed, and sobbed. Thinking seriously?!?! How is THIS even an issue? I am trying to be healthier. Some people will argue that the surgery is the easy way out-- well they would be misinformed. This is a huge friicken life changing event-- EVERYTHING changes-- you have to be accountable for the program, then post op (if you even make the cut) After I have this procedure, i will NEVER be able to eat sugars, bread, carbonated beverages... and i may not be able to ever have beef, or pork...who knows yet. I have tried so many things to help with my weight issue...diets, personal trainer workouts, high protein diets, paleo diets... my god soooo many changes-- and you know how much my grand total weight loss was? 24# Top--- that's it... after 9 months of personal trainer workouts and dieting.... a whopping 24#. are you serious? UGH ..talk about a blow to my fat kid ego... it was at THAT point when I decided to add another tool to my toolbox. So I began to go through the Gastric Bypass procedure. I am no stranger to it, my husband went through it a few years ago-- he did excellent, until he stopped following the lifestyle rules...but that's a another blog entirely :) So I am nearing the actual date of my surgery and I am beyond excited! I am excited for another amazing tool in my tool box. I am excited to participate in 5ks, and without looking like a walrus in a leotard. i am excited to buy clothes that will actually look cute on me and not just on the mannequin.

I have had it with most people around me! time to not only wittle my FB list of friends, but the actual ones around me..... I must admit that there are a few women in my circle that make me CRAZY by the end of the week, and I think its due to me allowing them to get under my skin! Well NO MORE! I am not dealing with these women on ANY level...not in my personal life or in my professional one. I am done allowing them to not be accountable for their words and actions. I was given a voice to speak against those who cant get their facts in order. I was given a strong will to be able to stand my ground. I have decided that as long as i am ONLY defending the truth of any situation, I have no reason to falter or be afraid of offending anyone. I am tired of being your doormat and scapegoat for any issue you have... If you don't have the nerve to stand in front of me and look me in the face to say half of the garbage that comes out of your mouth, then how about you just shut your mouth? Bottom line they are YOUR issues, You can take your issues to the printing press and stay there. Until next time, we are done here......

I am wealthy...

Sunday mornings are one of the best for me... I have the whole house to myself and I can sit and reflect on my previous week, while looking ahead to the week yet to come. Today as I ponder, I realize that I such a wealthy woman. Like TRUE wealth.... We have, since I have last written, "adopted" a son. He is 17 and just a handsome young man. He is smarter than he gives himself credit for. He has been here a month, and I hope he stays with us for years! He is clever and funny, and his smile is rockstar quality. He has become a quick addition to our family, and I appreciate him more than he will ever know. He has accepted us as his family and my love for him is that of a mother, I will love and protect him until my last breath. He is a true blessing.... I am wealthy My oldest daughter has been one of the best teenagers ever. I am grateful for the fact that she isn't a teenage girl filled with promiscuity and angst. She helps out her younger sister with little resistance, and is always willing to step up and be our helping hand. She has beauty in her smile that is contagious to those around her, and a positive attitude that flies along side her beauty. I am so proud of her! I will love and protect her until my last breath. She is an amazing gift from God... I am wealthy My youngest baby girl is now in her awkward middle school life. She is my little fashionista, and such a cool kid. She can turn any kind of seeming "junk" into works of art. She whizzes through literature, gobbling chapters at a time. She is my realist who keeps everyone's feet on the ground when needed. She has a contagious giggle. I will love and protect her until my last breath. She is a little piece of heaven... I am wealthy My pups (who are an extension of my children) are all unique. All 3 of them bring a little something extra to my family. The house, although it is quaint, would not be the same without the clicking of their nails on the hardwood floors. The couch would be empty, even though now, there is little room for the human children to sit sometimes. The nose art on the windows, would be gone, but so would my extra special greetings from the furkids when I arrive home after a long day of work. I will love each of my furkids until their last breath.. I am wealthy My husband accepts ALL of this nonsense that comes with 6 children. He shows me love and respect. He loves each one of our children, and pushes them to their potential (often meeting some resistance) He is my best friend, and I know without him none of the stuff above would be possible. I would be a hot mess without his support. I am able to give my love to all of our children because he fills me with his love when I am drained. Together we stand in the gap. I will honor and love him until my last breath...I am wealthy Real wealth is not measured in just monetary items... that's what rich people have. I have an abundance of wealth, and I would't change it for anything. That's it for now, until next time....

Was I really wrong about her?

Today, I have been irritated. Actually that's an untrue statement, I've been irritated for over a week and a half, but who's counting? Regretfully, I have to admit that I have been a terrible judge in character. Here I thought, Kelly was a loyal, trustworthy, non-dramatic person. I think, as it seems, that I have been wrong. I hired Kelly and was so excited since she seemed to have a great attitude and appeared to also be a team player. Even though her job history had indicated that she hadn't held a job for more than 6-8 months at a time, I bought her excuses that her employers were unfair to her, and how her leaving them wasn't her fault. I mean, she seemed so straight forward---which was AWESOME. Then we had a few "instances" occur and I found her at the center of the chaos and drama surrounding these instances, but even still... i believed her when she gave me, what appeared to be, honest answers. What was I thinking? Here's the other kicker... she actually deflected the blame, throwing my suspicions onto a different staff member--and i bought it! After I had JUST read how guilty people usually do that very tactic! UGH!!! FINALLY, we could no longer see past her unprofessional behaviors. We ended up firing her. Unfortunately, we have had SEVERAL people come to us concerned about her postings on Facebook that bash us. That smear our name, and reputation. Now, I don't personally see these posts as she has blocked me and everyone she quickly associates with me, but somehow, other people come to me with these rantings. I have pushed those off too, deciding that she obviously is a little less mature than I am, and that sooner or later she will run out of steam... however, we are going on TWO MONTHS later and she's still going strong with the slander. I guess, I've reached maximum level of regret. I mean, honestly, how could I have been so wrong about someone? I have been told that it takes all kinds... but geez. I hope someone else doesn't fall for the same song and dance that I did. I used to think I was pretty good at reading people... now, looking back, I can see how wrong I was. Maybe you could get her side of the story by checking out her Facebook... I hear she puts ALL the stuff that others have done to wrong her on there...and she discloses many other tidbits... now I can't confirm it, but maybe you can see it with your own eyes. EVERYONE has a pattern to the behavior... and like the old cliche' A leopard never changes their spots... I guess I should consider that from now on. That's all for now, until next time....

We could be friends...but you have to TRY a whole lot harder

Dear 3 women who don't have a clue, First of all let's begin by saying--- you have become a huge pain in my butt! I haven't given you a second thought until recently, and it would seem (given your actions and words lately) that you do little more, than think of me in ALL of your spare time. I am flattered, I must admit, but also I am over it--- you 3 have made a sad attempt to become stars in the movie SINGLE WHITE FEMALE. I know I am incredibly awesome, but seriously ladies, I don't want to be bothered by your slanderous tongues any further. I also know that this all stems from nothing more than jealousy- Yep, I realize you're jealous because I have an amazing husband, two beautiful daughters, some really great friends (some of which you want ALL for yourself)and lastly, a successful business that I am passionate about. Here's a thought...why don't you take ALL of the energy you are spending on trash talking and instead use it to try and become incredible yourselves.... I mean REALLY, 2 of you could really use that energy to lose some weight---actually a ton of weight would be good for you to lose (since it would seem that when you're not flapping you gums spreading vicious gossip about me, you are feeding your pie-holes with anything you can fit into it) Also, all 3 of you could use with an attitude adjustment...I mean how long can you 3 go on in life blaming EVERYONE else for anything bad that has happened to you? At WHAT point in your pathetic adult lives are you going to assume responsibility for ANY of YOUR actions? How long can you maintain such negativity? How many more people can you count that have "wronged"you in some way? Who else can you possibly smack talk about without getting your fat lonely asses kicked? I am thinking the list can not be too long--- Why not try and get a job that you don't complain about constantly, or how about trying to find someone who wants to spend part of their lives with you (i know this may mean some actual effort on your part) I also know this sounds like a huge hurdle to have to overcome, so I'll start small---How about you just begin this life changing event that you are going to have, with just keeping your damn mouth shut...yes, let's start there... that seems TOTALLY reasonable... I trust you can handle at least that much. Good luck with your life changing adventures ladies... I can't wait to meet the new improved you... until next time....

The cops called today....

Well, the cops called today...about one of our kids...as in the fur kids... Yes you read it right... the cops called about my precious fur kid named Bruce. He is the most adorable dog ever... part great dane, lab and american bulldog all rolled into one heck of an adorable pup. He came to us by chance, we weren't looking for a dog, but he fell into our family, and we LOVE him. So back to the call... seems that he "scared" the neighbor broad. She was outside mowing the lawn, and allegedly, Bruce jumped on her and GASHED her(her words)leg, and she was scared, so instead of being an adult and talking to us (since by the way my husband was standing right there when the dog "attacked " her) She called the cops, not right away, well after the fact. WHAT THE HELL, YOU STUPID ASSHOLE!? She felt that since she is the vice president of our local humane society, she had no other course of action... WHAT THE HELL does that even mean?!?! And since he's a pitbul (again her words) she felt like she HAD to report it...WHAT?!?!?! Again I say, you stupid asshole... he's not a fricken Pitbull you ignoramous! How exactly did you even become a MEMBER of the humane society, let alone the vice president if you don't know your breeds. And let's fricken say for arguments sake, that he was a pitbull, what the hell differecne does that even make? Labs don't cause issue? Or how about those yippy little dogs like the chihuahua? Ten years ago it was the German Shepards and before that Doberman Pincers... WHATCH OUT FOLKS, next it will be poodles and pugs! Mark my words! As for the ignorant, juvenile, half whit broad next door... I have two words for you... SUCK IT! That is all, Until next time